More challenging than expected...

Background: My research team = Team Echinacea. Echinacea angustifolia is the scientific name of the purple prairie coneflower, the main species we're studying.

That's all the background I'm gonna give? Yeah for now. I'm feeling sleepy :P

Trying to edit the flog (short for Echinacea field log)  is pretty challenging coz I have near zero experience with html (i have always used an html editor, paiseh paiseh). Tasks include putting in Google search box, make catgeories list into drop down/cascade menu, make the right hand column/bar a permanent feature which will stay on even when you visit archives, adding Google Analytics (or a tool/widget that tracks traffic to and from the blog), linking entries of a certain category only to FB etc. I managed to get a google search box on there after a few trial and errors but dunno how to make it look nice (with proper headings) >.< Plus I have to make sure I don't mess up the page >.<

Any suggestions?

Also now pondering what to cook tomorrow >.< My cooking partner made lentil potato garlic chard curry already, so should make something to go with it that won't take more than 1.5 hours to cook. The only things I can think of is Chapati....and Biryani..sigh....difficult dishes! wish my cooking partner told me earlier she was gonna cook in advance..... i guess she assumed i'd know coz she is going to do groceries tomorrow... : / Hope chapati turns out well and i will keep the kitchen clean.

Rainy Day...time for Reflection

Today was kind of like a day off from work (work refers to my research internship in Minnesota now), because it was raining and the ground is muddy so we couldn't do seedling searches (search for seedlings of tagged plants). Since I have more free time than usual, I think I should do my aforementioned

Spring Quarter Reflection

Jumping into Spring Quarter from a really physically active and somewhat emotionally tense Spring Break. I did daily bible reading/reflection everyday (or made it up with 2 readings if i missed one the day before) throughout Lent Season and until now. I also started writing notes to God, the majority of them being thank-you notes and petitions (not sure when I started). A few important events in Spring Quarter I think:

- EngageNU/MEIV (Multi-ethnic Intervarsity Christian Fellowship) and other IVCFs joint Large Group. [Christiany content] I went 2.1 times this quarter I think. At least 2.1 times. The first time (it might've been  Winter Quarter or just 1st week of Spring Quarter) was after having dinner with Esther at Hinman dining hall. I sat beside Esther. During LG, Andy Billhorn, one of the IV  asked for people who want to see God's transforming power in their lives (for those who are not Christians and for those who are already Christians to commit(? not sure liao) to stand up. My first thought was that it was one of those Protestant things that I always felt uncomfortable with, because I do take these things seriously, and I don't want to commit to something that I'm not fully commited to. So I remained sitting, thinking and deliberating, while most others stood up, including Esther. After much deliberation I decided that I do want to open myself to this power, and stood up. Okay, I know a lot of it is peer pressure, but I did make that conscious personal decision, even if it was on impulse, and I don't regret it. Even if nothing changed after that, I wouldn't think that I was an idiot who only follows the crowd (but I realize that I am easily convincable/flexible). In fact I didn't really expect anything to change. But guess what? There was change. I could feel God's transforming power in my life. It was not groundbreaking or a sudden epiphany, but a more subtle, permeating power...that I'm not sure what it is or how to describe...but it was gentle unforced change in worldview and attitudes... I'm not sure since when, but I no longer feel like "I Have To do this and that if not it'll show that I'm useless/not up to standard" - that sort of stress/pressure no longer permeates my life like it used to. Now it's more like (though not exactly and not all the time) "I want to do this or that, because I know it's the right thing to do; because I know it's something that I would appreciate others doing for me; because I can control what I choose to do about it". I actually want to keep reading the bible. I don't have to drag myself to it as I used to. The transforming power is not only that though, I think. It's not only about my faith, but it also involves my whole life.

Another LG. I mentioned it in a previous post- May 1) This time it involved a commitment to carry on the mission to make dead things come back to life. Did I talk about it already? This time I sat beside Christina du Breuil, and I had a conversation and prayed with her after LG...it was amazing to learn about how God speaks to her through images and how God is working in her life. I'm trying to be less afraid/embarassed/ and more public with what I believe...it is not easy and I don't know how to respond to people who are kind of anti-religion, like my Minnesotan housemates right now. I totally understand their sentiments about how religions can mess up societies and human behavior. But religion can sometimes bring out the best in people......as I have experienced... though I'm struggling with the "sometimes". If it's not "always", it would seem that one can do without religion.

April. Not the month, but my latest study buddy's name! She's Monica's roommate, Korean American. We are in two same classes, Bio 210 (3rd quarter introductory bio - cell bio and physiology) and Bio 347 (Conservation Bio with Prof Joe Walsh) I've been studying a lot with her in spring quarter. I first met her in fall, when had study party with Monica and other CCI gang (CCI is a dorm) - Ting, Jessina, girl whom I'm so sorry I can't recall her name right now. April is the first American I met who - likes to compete being humble.....you know la the usual "i haven't studied this yet" "me neither i also haven't studied that"....yup it's really irritating in Malaysia, but since i haven't had to put up with that for so long it's okay in small doses.  Of course she's studious (but not as extreme as Suk Sien or Ee Jane I hope), does things on time, really good at catching details (a lot of her questions are on things that I overlooked/take for granted), always smiling, and dresses really well (like elegant flowy blouses that models would wear). She's one of the few ppl I don't feel hesitant to ask to study together (i know my grammar is horrible but i don't have time so whatever). I enjoy studying with her. It's a good balance because we ask and answer each other's questions, so it's not one-sided one person teaches the other all the time. I hope we will become even better friends :)

"Relationship"
Ah it's almost 10pm so I can't do an individual paragraph for each individual that's been important now. Anyways, spring quarter has been great in terms of relationships. Mainly because I don't have to take orgo so I have more time to be sociable :P I also made more use of my phone to call people - like Esther, Fiona, Michelle Lau, Norman. Also texted more ppl (i can't believe i went over txt msg limit by 135(?) in May!). I think I strengthened a number of friendships this quarter. I initiated study dates a number of times. Spoke to people I met in library. Esther - she's so busy that I don't want to force a personal meetup every week, so instead i call her once a week on the phone, in addition to Allison Small Group (that's the SG Esther leads and I'm in). Allison Small Group- i don't feel as "belonging in" to SG as last year's, but I got to know a few new ppl better and some that I want to get to know better and hopefully next year get a chance to get to know better. Christina du Breuil - I had one lunch date, some study dates with her that I'm really glad I initiated. She's really fun to be with, and I want to continue getting to know her better. And glad that she'll be graduating in 2013! Michelle Lau - she came over to Evanston to visit (texted me the night before she came over lol). She is really dear to me and I love being with her. Brought her around campus, to Argyle, cooked kangkung belacan, brought her to end of LG to meet some of my other dear ppl, had late dinner at Mt Everest, and just talked.....Those two days were really fun and I'm so thankful that I didn't have tests/assignments due at that time. Tim Higgins, campus minister at Sheil - really grateful for him.....he's the person who would ask how I was doing and listened to my rants when I had a lot on my plate. Rung, my housemate. She's been crazily busy until middle of May because she's Tau Beta Pi (ENgineering Honors Society) treasurer, Thai Club co-president, MatSci Club president, and was also applying to Summer Undergrad Research Grant (and got it!).......and hence been sick/grumpy, not in the best of moods/complaining a lot (though she always apologizes for ranting). Thank God for the grace that I can accept all this and be as cheerful and helpful as I can, that she can accept me when it's my turn to get stressed out, and that I no longer feel the urge to raise my voice as I had felt in the fall. Because of Rung I got to know a lot of ppl better and more socially active/went to more social activities. I think that it's good though that we are living separately for the summer, and take a break from each other for a while, so that we won't be at each other's throats next year :P Also I became closer to NUSAF :) Alvin, XinKai, Scott, Kangyi, Heng Jie... Also random ppl I meet a lot like Christina Ha. Also discovered that I know a lot of ppl who just graduated that I'm gonna miss..........

"Leadership"
I think i became better at "coordinating" group work this quarter. GSW project group, BIO347 Conservation Bio group project initiating part, MEIV SG reunion organizing, Esther's birthday, Cilipadi events. The week before reading week and Reading Week (study leave before finals) and the few days after Finals were crazy. Had something on every single day! Midwest Games Fri-Mon morning, Tuesday was Esther's birthday eve and last SG hangout, Wednesday was cooking Malaysian meal for Christina du B and Will Weber coz they bought my service during MEIV service auction, Thursday was going to Treblemakers concert, MEIV Spring Celebration, and buying groceries for Cilipadi Senior Makan, Friday was Cilipadi Senior Makan which went from 5pm to almost 11pm exceeding my expected end time at 7pm, Saturday was Sheil Fest and NUSAF BBQ (should've also gone to MEIV Senior Dinner which was at the same time as the two.no actually earlier one hour but i didn't realize it >.<), Sunday was Allison SG photoshoot, Monday to Thursday was mostly studying I think, Thursday after Bio exam ended at 11am - a slew of business and meeting up with ppl...and packing and clearing my room >.<......Thursday evening visited Fiona at Kemper to get rice cooker and etc, Friday evening Cilipadi end of quarter dinner, helping Fiona and Christina Lee pindah barang, Saturday morning was Cedar send-off (sending off MEIV folks who are going to annual Cedar Camp, very happy to see everybody who was gonna graduate...like Helen Han, Kathryn Schodel, Jireh,... then brunch at Le Peep's with Cilipadi (might have been last time meeting Hafiz >.<), then packing packing packing, then dinner at Bravo! with Daisy (Daisy's bday), Jireh, Alvin, Tee Jin, Tong Wei (i'm so glad i emailed Daisy and Jireh saying that i want to have dinner with them). Then rush back to apt. Alvin and Tee Jin helped me to carry (Alvin was carrying/pulling the bag actually i dun get why he likes to help ppl carry barang so much need to ask him sometime) my big heavy luggage bag and walked me to Metra station only to find out that the next train was at 11pm, so rushed to CTA station (luckily nearby) so I could get to Chicago Union Station to catch my 10.30pm Megabus to Minnesota on time. Phew......so glad that I was on time though i got lost trying to find the bus stop (no signs one! aaa)..... and then it was very cold on the bus, and the ppl sitting in front of me were terribly inconsiderate and was watching some show with crashing and violent noises and i asked them quite politely to lower the volume TWICE but they still had to continue watching why can't they use earphones argh anyway it was too cold and I got toothache due to wisdom tooth so I couldn't sleep comfortably anyway. but i sat next to a nice lady so smile :) And reached Minnesota safely, got to bus stop and met team member Amber safely, and they treated me and Lee (another team member) so nicely, and then Stuart (professor)'s mum drove us to Kensington, reached Town Hall (where i'm staying now), groceries, dinner, sleep, next day Monday start internship...... so it was constantly on the move.............. geh...

21st Birthday
Yeah my 21st birthday landed on top of two papers and BIO midterm. Rung was sick and had to deal with Thai Night on May 15th but she still made an effort - toast with wine-flavored drink at midnight while i was writing my environmental autobiography >.< and made breakfast (sargent style omelette! and fruit/yoghurt salad and cheese cake that she craftily hid from me) for me....:) And then cilipadi's cake during our bonfire that weekend. 
I hope that before my college career is over I'll get a midnight surprise type with a larger crowd (hope i get to know enough ppl for that to become possible)...coz i rather like that you know, *hint winks* LOL. But I appreciate anything. I'm happy :) Oh yeah Esther owes me my belated birthday celebration still...I am so looking forward to that!

Phew it's almost 11pm so I gotta write off here. I'll post more on Team Echinacea and maybe post my project proposal when I finish that. So good night folks!

Summer in Ulu Minnesota

I didn't even have the time to reflect on Spring Quarter and my sophomore year! T.T I really really want to do it coz so many things happened in Spring Quarter that's worth reflecting about and retaining in written memory...

But for now, here's an excerpt from email to my parents i wrote today:

--------------------

Sorry if you couldn't get me on the phone. My handphone is really weird, it'll turn off by itself without me realizing it so sometimes I go for hours without noticing that my phone is off even though it is with me. Today also I only realized it just now and just turned it on.

The professor who is in charge of this internship right now has agreed to supervise my independent research for fall quarter. So now I need to come up with a research topic. Hmm... trying not to be lazy and read the necessary background reading for it.

Oh yeah, this Saturday I'll  be running a 5km marathon in Kensington Runestone Park, near the place I'm staying with two other housemates. This weekend is the Kensington Runestone Days Festival, and apparently there'll be fun events going on this weekend :D Otherwise the town is really quiet and doesn't have much to do (even fewer shops than Pasir Mas! can't believe it). There's a Catholic Church near where I'm staying (10 min walk away, and one of my housemates is also Catholic). Surrounding the town are agricultural fields over hills and plains, lots of big and small lakes, and prairie remnants. It's really countryside scenery. 

Today I cooked stir fry bok choy (but accidentally put too much oyster sauce >.<), and my cooking partner made vegetarian shepherd's pie. One of our housemates is vegetarian, and one is allergic to wheat and tomato, and another housemate is allergic to shellfish, so we have to consider them when cooking :) 

During weekdays, it's lights off by 10.30pm or so....I go to sleep before 11pm....wake up around 7am.... but still sleepy during the day I dunno why >.< i always doze off after lunch when professor gives a talk zzz >.< i got eat multivitamin everyday wor... so my tactic now is to munch on something while professor talking so i won't fall asleep...>.< I'm getting along well with my housemates - I'm glad!

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 Well that's about it! i gotta go to bed before 11pm so good night! off off!

me right now

sometimes i feel like i absorb other people's negative emotions and it weighs me down...
sometimes i don't get affected at all...
Do you ever get that symptom?

but i believe that it's alright if i managed to ease that person's burden a little...share that burden...

but how about me? where do i go to dump that burden?

my answer to myself: I have God.

I know that, but i don't always turn to him right away. So I waste time trying to get rid of this uneasy feeling. Sometimes (but less often in USA) I talk to people...less often because it's slightly harder to access people I can trust with these things. Other times I just do stupid meaningless things like refreshing my email, stalk ppl on FB, typing people's names random things into google, space out. Sometimes I pray. Sometimes I pray with a half-heart. Sometimes I pray whole-heartedly. Sometimes I turn to the bible. Sometimes I just write my feelings out on paper and reflect in the process of writing. Sometimes I use this blog to help me too.

(looks like the spring break journal is not going to be finished just yet...whoops. Well I managed to record one of the highlights of spring break (tree hugging yeah). Other highlights in brief: went down the famous Mary Jane trail at Winter Park, Snowshoed, Cross-Country Skied in a Snow Storm, got in a very tense moment with someone on the trip due to my lack of control over my mouth which can spout mean sarcastic comments but luckily salvaged it with lots of God's grace and my apology, Actually Played Ping Pong, Did Archery, Experienced Wonderful American Family Hospitality (thanks to the Holsteens <3~), Caught the Last El-train back to Evanston. And throughout all that I clung to the bible and Lenten reflections booklet. asking God to give me grace to be patient and humble... There are some photos on FB in which I'm tagged :))

Want to record some recent important events:
Easter Sunday - waited till Sunday morning to celebrate - it was a wonderful experience. Sheil's 9.300am mass was packed and overflowing....and beautiful... Lunch at Mary Deeley's was wonderful :)

Thursday's MEIV Large Group - "I Am The Resurrection"
Thank God for Christina being there.....I want to live out this resolution.
"To bring dead things back to life."

I am going to ask God to help me again. I thank God so much for being with me this Lent and all the grace He gave me this Lent, to just be less selfish. The opportunities I had to hurt people! Without his guidance I don't know how low I would've gone or how many of those times I would've succumbed to ill will.

Sorry to all you people who find this religious tone too much for your liking, but this is what I feel and what I want to share with you all.

Oh I should tell you guys too: I'm gaining muscle lol! Seriously! I can feel muscles developing in my arms after all those BodyPump classes and I'm proud of it =P I hope that I really have become stronger :)

It's late and I should go to bed. Nitezz, folks~

SURVIVE

prayer request:
for my mother. discovered growth in uterus. doing biopsy on thursday to check whether benign/malignant.
for my dad.

survived my busy last day of class of winter quarter Monday. i actually missed church for the first time in my academic career due to schoolwork. it was unplanned. i usually go to mass at 5pm or 9pm. but yesterday i had gsw from 12-2pm,2-4pm, then my group project meeting (presentation today) from 4pm. Did not expect it to go until 12midnight. And i only realized today that i actually missed mass. o.o"

Ash wed is this wednesday.

don't feel like doing any work, though i do have alot of work to catch up on.

- orgo lab report (due Wed)
- orgo ch18 questions
- orgo ch19
- orgo ch20
- orgo ch21
- orgo practice final
orgo final exam (next Wed)
*aside: my heart breaks when i realize that i won't be listening to Trzupek (orgo prof) lecture for almost everyday of the week starting next quarter. T.T can't believe how sad i am...yet i still tak sanggup take the 3rd quarter of orgo coz i hate lab (in short). Sigh.....

- bio - everything since 2nd midterm. I lost count of what i have to study. @_@
- need to get substantial bit of studying done by Thursday night, coz Friday review session.
bio final exam (next Thu)

- epc390 interface btw behavioral theory and conservation paper (due next Monday)

At least the stupid northern spotted owl is out of the way! i clearly spent way too much time on that owl!!! grrr!

Good thing: I'm going to have my first private lesson with my neighbour tomorrow! yay!

gts (go to sleep)

Anime Karaoke Night!

shukufuku no toki wa kuru te wo nobashite  te wo nobashite ryoute agete!!

~Sakura Saku, Love Hina OP

Just so impressed/impacted/kangeki by what happened that I just had to blog about it.

Yeah- i was at Northwestern's Anime Club anime karaoke night just now! When they sent out an email asking about interest in anime karaoke night I went "Yes! This is what I've been waiting for!" Even though it's not real karaoke, just play videos on youtube and sing along with microphones in a lecture hall in Tech from 8+pm-11pm. IT WAS SO FUN~~~~!!!!! Noeru Mei Qi we can totally do anime karaoke this way ^O^

I sang: Bouken Desho Desho (Suzumiya Haruhi OP1) with a guy and a girl, Let Me Be With You (Chobits OP) with a girl- not a very good choice, so don't sing this at karaokes! , Doraemon OP with Ken (Alicia's Mat Sci Buddy), Sakura Saku (Love Hina OP), and Be For You Be For Me (Love Hina OVA ED) with a guy (his name is John if I'm not mistaken).

Other songs that I sang along with: Pokemon North American OP, Cruel Angel Thesis (Evangelion OP), Fly Me to The Moon (an oldie, as well as Evangelion ED), Bleach OP2 =)

and of course, the FINALE song - I'll Make A MAN out of You (from Mulan, which technically is not anime but it's a song that everybody (at least in USA) knows) 

I didn't know a lot of the songs but they were pretty nice! 

 

And why was I so impressed?

Well, usually no one ever talks to me in anime club (i don't really talk to anyone either, besides ppl whom I already know, like Rebecca or Ken). I also don't go very often. 

But today, people seemed to like my singing (esp Sakura Saku haha) OvO and 3-4 ppl approached me after the event and said that I have a good voice and such! I was quite flattered ///// One guy, he's in a doujin group asked if I was interested in voice acting? Another guy told me that my voice was very similar (to the singers i suppose) in japanese at high speed-   he had to repeat about 3 times before i could catch what he said...^^;; He also asked how long I've been learning Japanese (or something along those lines) and I said I never taken any classes, just learnt from watching lots of anime and singing songs (yeah i actually answered in broken japanese). I am quite flattered..........let me be on a high for a while........^^;;

But seriously I can't sing as well as I'd like (yes I failed my auditions for Treblemakers and Harmony in Spirit; and I never got beyond 5? songs on 163888 because my recordings sucked). I know that my main weakness is breath support...Proof: I have trouble sustaining notes sometimes, I can't sing with full power and tone at high notes, my voice tends to break, etc. But I just (last month, by a stroke of fate) found out that my neighbour (yes my actual neighbour who stays across from my apartment unit) actually teaches voice and piano lessons! My mum says I should take lessons, since she is so near. I'm planning to do so too (not too many, coz lessons are expensive! O_O)...once my busy period in school is over. And then hopefully I can fix my breathing problem and sing better =) 

Oh one thing i've gotten better at is singing in front of people - I think I'm more daring to sing in front of people now...like friends (thanks to my encouraging housemate and CANTAMUS)....though still shy a lot of times. (For this anime karaoke i for some reason was quite confident (coz i've been singing those songs for years?) and nobody was judging, so I basically didn't care about anyone and just enjoyed myself thoroughly =) )

So glad that I don't have midterms next week (though I have a paper technically due Monday and a GSW makeup assignment, and TWO midterms the week after). That allowed me to let loose for a bit.

But anyway gotta get back on track. That paper is important! 15% of my big grade! And gotta ace that two midterms next week too!

What else? I'm currently watching Lovely Complex and Haruhi Season 2. Like Lovely Complex very mcuh!

Oh and I left my cute popular hat that everybody recognizes on Pace 213 bus last last week =(

But then the bus driver told me she picked it up and put it at the Lost and Found when I got on the bus the following week =) Praise the Lord!

She said that if i couldn't go to Lost and Found, they can send it to me via a bus driver if i can tell them which bus i'm taking.

I called Lost and Found today and they didn't seem to understand.

So I'm debating whether to go to Lost and Found. I'd have to take a 30 minute bus ride........I would totally do it if I didn't have this paper due..... coz i really want that hat back....and God even gave me a chance to get back something that I thought was lost...

I should exercise more. Been eating too many snacks recently =(.

Oh, and I was quite happy with SEANite this year! Cilipadi rocks!

Happy Chap Goh Meh! (kindof over already whatever :P)

Ouch

Today I was at a pharmacy with my parents. A salesgirl came up to me and asked, "Berapa bulan dah?"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I graciously answered, "Ini gemuklah..."

...................................


TT___TT

..................................
Hope this joke made your day. XSK (咸湿哭）

这个故事纯属真人真事XSK
This was what happened to me today. Sad!

My mum kept laughing at me.......

wuwu...........T_T

it is a sign....a sign....

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

after note

and after all that talk about being bored...

I realized after finishing my (sweet sour pork) dinner that i had promised to go help out at Sheil for an event which was at 6.30 O_O noooooooo Tim (Sheil Campus Minister & a very nice and helpful guy) is going to be disappointed with me - my image of reliability is gonna be broken aiks <- hypocrisy alert!

but i forgot to tell you guys that i sang in the official Sheil choir for the first time today! (after gaining some confidence with Cantamus =3) Angela (Director of Liturgy and Music at Sheil) was so cute (i never knew grownup acting cute would be so pleasing to watch! Once a Diva, always a diva... aah Angela's charm has increased by 70% in my eyes *__*) Err...cantamus is more fun i think, and i don't think i contributed much to the choir, but i will try doing it for the rest of the summer. Probably not in the fall - if i can get into H.I.S. =)

What the heck am I doing?! I have a Physics Quiz tomorrow =.=" I was supposed to start studying an hour ago! Study Study Study!!!!!!!

I will try going to the library at night (i will use the shuttle to travel to my apt, don't worry) [just found out library closes at 10pm and not 9pm as i previously thought] in an attempt to curb my laziness!!

100th Post Happy Mami's Day Happy 20th Birthday Happy Saturday

Dear all,

I can hardly believe what I've just been through in the past 13 hours. Nah, it's nothing fantastic, but here I am, typing my 100th blog entry in bed with my head on the pillow and laptop lying on its side.

I'm going to write in partially-reverse-chronological order and my writing is going to drive you nuts. You are forewarned.

Just now I might've fulfilled one of my little dreams, i.e. to lie down in a huge field of green grass and just gaze at the blue blue sky with some wind blowing in my hair.

5.55AM The sun had already risen (WTH is wrong with the weather/seasons) and I took a walk to the lakefront...gazing at the risen orange fireball in delight. Walked to a little grove (?)....green grass all over....trees with green leaves....blue sky...morning sun.....cool wind.........

凉爽的早晨，清新的空气，鸟儿不停地唧唧响。。。这么美丽的早晨，怎么没有人跟我一起分享呢？

I lay my bedsheet down on the grass , plopped my pillow, and lay down gazing at the sky framed by young green leaves of some trees...................it was very relaxing......arghhh i'm kind of sleepy now so i'm not getting anywhere trying to describe what i just experienced. will try to upload pics on facebook to show you guys how beautiful it was.

Various things passed through my mind. My inner voice went "注定了。。注定了~~~" as for what I'm referring to in my mind...i'll leave it for you guys to guess...coz it's very cheesy

I remembered the times when I experienced this calm and peace in natural settings... Sunrise on the river at home, LA Hot Springs, on Bukit Bendera, at the beach after camp... Nostalgia... And yet it wasn't totally peaceful...I felt some anxiety in my heart. Worry about my unfinished homework and whether I can finish it this weekend. And then I suddenly wanted to cry- I thought about it, and I decided to let it all out---

"好想回家！！！要回家！！我要回家！！芭比，妈咪～哇～～～～想回家！！要回家！！！”

After yelling and sobbing for a minute or two I felt better. The uneasy feeling in my heart/chest was dispersed. =) Then I continued lying on the grass and relaxing...sometimes saying a little prayer...singing a little...listening to the birds...taking photographs...looking at the sky, the trees, the sun, the grass...

I was so delighted to see real dew appearing before my eyes on the blades of grass. Cute, clear, pure dew drops! There's so many of them...

6.55AM went back to my dorm room. =)

-------

6-7PM (FRIDAY) Relay for Life at SPAC

Fundraisign event for American Cancer Society. People stay up all night and take turns to relay around jogging track in the gym (SPAC). I'm on Team Sheil. Our team altogether raised a total of $1397!!! I contributed $111. None of it was from my JPA allowance.

$21 was from Cilipadi!!! It was a pleasant surprise...I didn't expect that much... Earlier I asked Fiona that instead of a birthday cake/present, I'd like to receive donations for Relay for Life... and Cilipadi friends generously gave! Although $21 may not look like alot, in RM it's about RM100 already! That is a looooot! I'm proud of you Cilipadi! Thanks so much dear friends for your generosity...Cancer patients will benefit from your contribution

How about the rest? I had been saving up a sum of money from doing the Kellogg/Psych department paid research studies- ie going to Kellogg marketing department to do some surveys and getting paid- usually $5 for 15mins, or Psych department for psych studies. I had been plannign to use this money to buy a Northwestern sweatshirt, which is something that almost every NU student has, and I'd really like to have, but is pretty expensive (starting at about $39) so i never sanggup beli. Also I wanted to buy a coffee cup (with lid and maybe handle) because i had been creasting a lot of rubbish by using disposable styrofoam cups from dining halls. It was a struggle. Although team captain Luis reassured us that there is no minimum amount of donations we hhave to make, but i felt shameful because everybdoy else seemed to be contributing a lot, while i didn't really try to do anything (besides my birthday thing ^^;;). I had already planned to give $32, which is an amount I pledged from the Lenten 6-10 challenge ($32= 10% of my expenses during Lenten season), but then i thought, maybe i should give more. Perhaps i should give all the money i got from kellogg studies. i was struggling because i knew i didn't need to donate all and i indeed had been saving up the money since last quarter, vs. pride - i didn't want to seem like the worst fundraiser and my do-the-right-thing-concept i was trying to uphold. I was ashamed at my own hypocrisy. Thursday i realized i was holding back like the rich young man who wanted to follow Jesus, and Jesus said it was harder for a rich man ot enter the kingdom of heaven than for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. I realized that, and that became the main driving force for me to donate my "earnings". And I believe that why I did what I did was not entirely to save face (partially, perhaps).

[And then I fell asleep after writing the previous sentence. The draft was autosaved at 8.05am, so make your own guesses]

During the event I realized something that made me happy... By donating that extra $58 to benefit cancer research, I was emulating my mother when she gave her share of inheritance (from my late aunt) to my uncle (who passed away earlier this year) who had been struck with cancer. Another uncle also gave his full share, and other uncles and aunts also gave part of their shares. It is really admirable...because the amount they gave up is really a huge huge sum. My uncle who had cancer really needed money though, because he had been laid off many years back and had been working various low-salary, part-time jobs such as driving buses. His wife is also ill and was only earning a meagre salary at a factory.

I am proud of my mother =)

.

Anyway, I was staying up from 6pm yesterday to 6am today for Relay for Life. What is Relay for Life? Check out their official description here: http://www.relayforlife.org/relay/whatisrelay

I did take naps though, but I did walk around the track for a good amount of time. Staying up all night for some event is always an interesting experience. The last time I did that was for the Lenten event last year with INTI CSS people. This time i spent the night/morning with 600-800 NU students in the basketball courts of SPAC, with people playing frisbee all over each other, playing games, eating snacks, and jumping in the wonderful inflatable trampoline house. Around dinnertime I walked around with Esha, was surprised by Esha's ability to talk to anybody as if she had known them her whole life...it was so natural (and she takes her time in talking to, if that reminds you of anybody ^^;; [bukan saya]), and was pleasantly surprised when we met out MATH 230 lecturer Prof. Yildirim (she's so cute). She said she was planning to leave Northwestern, partly because of the horrible weather, going to India for vacation (Esha was going to India with her family too during summer) and Yildirim's young daughter- Esha even asked her name and it was Aysu, which approximately means the beauty of the reflection of the moon in the water in Turkish.

Blablabla. My team captain was Luis, a very funny and friendly bear-sized Hispanic guy. Chris, a senior in Mech.E. from AAIV. and ChanHan, a Korean guy who goes to AAIV and MEIV (he performs with H.I.S., the MEIV acapella group). Joe, a very friendly junior who always wears this cute smiley badge pin on his shirt and looks just like the smiley face. Sarah, a Mech.E. senior. Janelle, a sophomore, who survived cancer in senior year of high school.

Bleb.

Sunset and sunrise over the lake was absolutely beautiful.....this will motivate me to wake up earlier to see sunrise at NU...=)

.

Let's skip my birthday story for now, because I have a paper due Tuesday, a paper rewrite that I should finish asap, Lab report due monday, chemistry reading that i should do, stats problem set that i should start... LAB CONSULTANT APPLICATION WTH. And some other extracurricular stuff (draft that permission slip for SALCO, reply to Louie to accept position as GSW tutor for next year, buying furniture, email Min Sze, reply Chuey Sien's email)

.

Happy Belated Mother's Day. Thank you Mami for giving birth to me and taking care of me until now. I am 20 years old now. That is miraculous.

My mum's "very determined" attitude is rubbing off me. If you think I'm determined, it's thanks to my mami =) I thank my mother for many good things in my life.

.

It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep

Thanks to Miao Miao I discovered who was the singer and what was the title of the song that I was hearing over and over again on the ASB trip.

Owl City - Fireflies. Don't really know what the lyrics mean, but it's a fun song.

Tonikaku!

I better update you guys on the result of my Treblemakers audition--- REJECTION =P

They sent the nicest rejection email ever. Here, read this and learn this in case you need to send out a rejection letter to someone in the future:

Dear XXX,

Thank you so much for trying out for Treblemakers. Unfortunately, we're not able to offer you a position in our group at this time... But we hope this isn't the end of your singing days.

While we saw many very talented singers during the three days of auditions, one of the determining was our current needs as a music ensemble - in other words, you may have not been offered a position because of the number of people on each voice part at the moment, and not because of your performance.

Again, thank you so much for your interest in Treblemakers.

See? They are so nice...=)
I don't feel bad about it, coz I didn't expect much out of it anyway. But I'm glad i tried coz it was really nice and i got some experience!

Later that weekend I watched MEIV's acapella group (Harmony In Spirit- H.I.S) perform and they were wonderful!! Anneka was so cute singing Chilli Cum Corne! I want to audition for H.I.S. !

Also inspired to try beatboxing-- so far i can do it for 30 seconds-- after that run out of breath.
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(For some reason i can't get rid of the italics...=.=")

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CA interview - This Saturday, 11.45am-4.15pm! Wish me good luck and that I can be at my best!

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My problem: WHAT to do for my ANTHROPOLOGY OF TIME project.
IT sounds really grand, but nothing la. Just need to be connected with time and human (culture).

These are my notes T.T FOR SOME REASON my professor wants me to email her my chosen topic TONIGHT. (it's past 12am ady T.T i dun want o suffer from anymore sleep deprivation!!!!!)

Topic: Sleeping in Class
have you fallen asleep in class?
what times of the day you fall asleep?
why do you think you did?
- quality of sleep
- class (interactive/not interactive, topic of lecture-stimulating/not stimulating)
what do you feel about sleeping in class?
do you try to prevent yourself from sleeping in class?
if yes, how do you try to prevent yourself from falling asleep?
- get enough sleep
- coffee
- chew gum

Topic: Sleep
how often do you try to delay sleep even when you're sleepy?
how do you try to delay sleep?
is sleep time lost?
how/what do you substitute sleep with?

Topic: Househunting:
when do students start to look for housing?
- which month

the later you start looking for an apartment, the further away from campus you'll be.

Topic: time spent on facebook vs time spent on youtube?
which one wastes less time?
which one provides more satisfaction?
which one is more addictive?

----> I need to choose ONE small question. OMG. I WANT TO SLEEP!!!! But the desire to fulfill my prof's expectations is offsetting my desire to sleep. Oh my body...my body...

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SEA Nite. I'll detail it later. Anyway Cilipadi (Msian students group at NU) is going to perform Si Tanggang in WAYANG KULIT and I was granted the role of Narrator for my 'storylike voice' (i will never forget the first compliment Alicia gave me!!!! ^^)- and that's because i was fooling around mendeklamasi Puisi/Sajak (?) Tok Janggut-- you know, the one from our Sejarah textbook...

It's Almost Thanksgiving!

and the main point is... HOLIDAY!!! Yay!! Hurray!! Freedom from the evil torments of the quarter system (Temporary only) But also sad...coz it signals the end of the quarter...coz my favourite class had its last class today :(

I really like the ppl in my class, we have kind of the same 'wavelength', even though we have different opinions. This class allowed me to express my opinions ( I love Americans coz they dun pandang serong at me when i spoke some really terrible english).

This class also allowed me to learn more about environment and nature and biodiversity and ecological stuff that I wouldn't have been really able to explore in Malaysia. Environmentalism is more advanced in USA, and ppl take it more seriously here. In contrast, most msian students (incld me) just memorize stuff so we can bullshit in our essays. I have always been interested in this kind of things (nature bla bla), but i was afraid to express it bcoz i was scared ppl would scoff at me, and call me unrealistic. Biology provided me a way to compromise my interests with the norm. Of course I also find human and cell and animal biology interesting.

^ if the above paragraph was an essay, it'd get a D for organization n spelling lol.

Bla bla bla. Anyway I am SOOOOOOOOO GLAD that i chose this freshman seminar. Totally no regrets, no matter how apprehensive i was at first bcoz it was 'discussion based'. I actually found it qutie relaxing, as compared to other classes where you have to listen/take notes/try not to fall asleep.

Not to mention i simply love Prof. Walsh!! He's laid back, really nice, funny, and encouraging, concerned about his students, like to listen to what we say, and passionate about his field. He also likes to make animal sounds, and enact scenarios.

And I get to learn about stuff i like, i get to learn neat things that happen in ecological relationships in great depth, i get to go on a lovely field trip, i get to read great books (i really like Edward Abbey), i get to write essays I like about topics I like, i get to know people, i get to hear them talk and give their opinions, which are really good, i get to laugh at funny stuff in class (Idil's carrots and Eric's disrespecting elders lol!)....!

And i finally noticed that one writes best when he is writing about stuff he's interested in. I think Prof. Walsh overrates me lol. I better tell him my confusion over what language was my first language.

This is Prof. Walsh! With Sara Lee Premium Choc Cookies...he brought them to our last class for us >.<>

Members of my fall quarter freshman seminar. Olivia is missing though! =( I shud've taken it the week before, when all were gathered. And i wish Prof. Walsh was in this pic too...

I'm now even more inspired to head in the direction of environmental studies while majoring in biology. Just the other day, I realized---how glad i was to be studying in the US-- if not, it would be really really hard to do environmental studies in Malaysia, with discouragement coming from every corner. It's actually fulfilling one of my childhood dreams. I've never thought of becoming a scientist, but i did imagine doing stuff to save the environment. How did I ever get here? I am indeed very very blessed, too blessed, to have received the JPA scholarship.

To those who are struggling with STPM now, I believe that you guys will become stronger and more resilient because of the tougher road you guys took. Have a little faith, and don't completely give up on your dream, even though you are sure it's impossible to achieve. Just as you believed in me when I did not believe in myself; I believe in you, even if you don't believe in yourselves. As Gabai Baachan (from book "佐贺的超级阿嬷" or "Saga no Gabai Baachan", i blogged about it previously here) insisted,

“到死以前都要有梦想！没实现也没关系，毕竟只是梦想嘛。”

"You must hold onto your dream until the day you die! Even if they are not fulfilled, it's alright, because they are just dreams anyway."

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P/S I've uploaded some pics on FB. not much. sikit saja. but better than nothing rite!

P/S For all ppl facing finals soon, GAMBATTE!!! I also have my finals on 7-9Dec.

I am in USA O_O

Hello Readers,

Maria here. It's 8 Sept, 9.58PM CST here in Evanston, Illinois.

Thanks to all well wishers. I am safe and jetlagged in America.

Becoz i need sleep to cure my jetlag, I hope this will be a short one.

KLIA- thanks to Michelle, Clare, Norman and Shaun for coming to send me off! Clare even has class at 10am!

MAS- plane started to fly at 10am, had lunch of curry chicken and rice and nice cake, stopped at Taipei, got on the plane again about 3.15pm, then began the looooooooooong journey to LA. loooooooooong. in-flight entertainment? yeah watched some documentaries and listened to some albums. had dinner at 5.30pm, and at 1 or 2am it was bright daylight again! Time for breakfast/lunch/supper again. and somehow we managed to reach LA about 1pm LA time.

LAX- Flight was delayed by 1 hour T.T boarded the connecting flight to Chicago at 6pm LA time. Reached Chicago about 4 hours later, 12.30am Chicago time. Pn Rozita & En Rahman picked us up and we reached Yoke Peng's apartment about...2am i guess. Lunged the giant luggage bags up 3 floors on creaky wooden stairs (it was nearly impossible for me to carry by 28" bag on my own, and Yoke Peng had to help. Pn Rozita carried the 22" bag for me). Luckily i only had 1 big luggage...if not ah, sure die~

We had supper(??) of Home-cooked-rice-and pedas chicken curry and kuah with potatoes and sayur-cooked by the Ustaz's wife. I was hungry coz American Airlines didn't serve free food in the short(?) flight. After that...tried to switch on laptop but the adapter didn't work (BECAUSE I DIDN"T PLUG IN THE MAIN SWITCH LOL). very very mabuk dah. Want to sleep then start not nice then thought better switch on my laptop and send email to pami notifying my safe arrival. then feel ok then went to slep abt 4++am ...........

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2nd DAY woke up many times in the night. but finally got up at12.15pm. too cold coz i didn switch off the fan. i told u i was too mabuk until couldn't think logically.

the rest was modified from the email to my parents.

Dear readers,

The pharmaton adapter works! (with my laptop). yesterday forgot to plug in the main plug...too blur already

Today senior took us to the International Office to check in, the Malaysian Students Department (MSD), and downtown Evanston. The weather iss clear and cool, like a more windy Genting Highlands. Had to wear jacket also. Me and Tee Jin signed up for a mobile phone contract (family plan) with AT&T, and got stylish-looking handphones (LG CU920)for USD19.99. But we have to pay a deposit of USD500 using credit card (so sorry pa >.<) but they will refund the USD500 next year. My senior who bought the handphone last year just got her USD500 back. The total amount paid for the hp using credit card was about USD572..i think. The store where i bought my new handphone (Radio Shack) sells an international adapter for USD10.

And I've gotta say the worker really went all out to serve us. Really really impressed. Spent few hours just catering to us.

After that we went to Barnes and Nobles, one of the biggest bookstores. 2 storeys, and they even have spacious restrooms. Yeah I know that coz i got stomach upset (probly due to curry) and deposited my droppings in the spacious restrooms. But i dun like those wide gaps from the floor to the cubicle wall. Can see ppl's shoes. No privacy la...want to squat on the floor also paiseh.

Yoke Peng belanja us dinner at Lulu's, serving some asian cuisine. I ordered "Chinese Ramen Soup"...doesn't taste much like ramen and it's yellow in colour...quite a big bowl. And they served plain iced water free. When I asked for warm water...waiter looked blank...then he asked whether i wanted boiling hot water or room temperature water (laughs). Air suam takde..

After dinner we took a route through the Northwestern campus. The campus is not like in Malaysia, where you have gates and fences enclosing the school grounds. It's just an area concentrated with university buildings, mixed with some other buildings and houses. Some of the buildings are bungalows, and a lot of them are old-looking with ivy leaves growing on the walls. There are a lot of trees lining the streets.

Lake Michigan is reeeeally big, seems like the sea. saw ppl on yachts. The main library is very big, 3 or 4 blocks, as big as a shopping mall in KL.. Also walked by the chapel (senior said it's very beautiful inside) and the Sheil Catholic Center. Evanston is very big...the campus is also very big..... we walked from downtown Evanston to Sargent Hall (my dorm) using the scenic route by the lake...walked until feet sour. I think I'll need to invest in a pair of good shoes. >.<

It's still quite bright at 6pm. The sun starts to set around 6 sth (sth=something). 7sth quite dark already, especially with so many big trees. Yoke Peng says they don't really have much nightlife around here, so it's quiet.

Oh yeah, about meal plans. I was automatically enrolled for the Weekly 13 Meals Plan, but Yoke P

Anyway, I'm getting along fine. I have some ringing in my ears, maybe due to wearing the headphones for too long during the MAS flight, but it's not affecting me much, dun worry.

Photos i probly just upload on facebook. Later. =P now need to get my sleep so i can walk walk walk walk walk tomoroooooo. GOOD NIGHT~~~~

Sincerely,

Maria Mei Hua Wang (peliknya)