I think it makes me mad when...

___ frets over ______ which makes it seem like ___ is sacrificing/taking on so much but then it's something that xx doesn't have to do nor worry unneccessarily about.... and especially if it can be taken as suggesting that I'm not doing my share (not that ___ ever had that intention, but just that it can be extrapolated).

I end up yelling.

I think it makes me mad when...

people repeat things that I said to them...back to me! with no credit to me. plagiarism! 

people frets/complains over something REPEATEDLY that is not that consequential in my opinion, and especially if that something can be referenced to something I am not doing right. (the REPEATEDLY drives me nuts)

These are just some examples. 

I have a tendency to lose my temper at these moments. Do I understand why am I so bothered by these little things? I am generally calm and mild-tempered, but I am really short-tempered in certain situations. I think it depends more on the type of personality I'm facing than my own temperament or the situation. The type of personality I'm talking about? In a good way, it's honesty. In a poorer light, it's inflexible beliefs/thinking. 

Where's the balance between being considerate and being honest? I choose not to be honest more often because i'm afraid to tell the truth and afraid of being judged and its repercussions. 

i feel that i can be affected easily by other people's moods/unhappy experiences sometimes........ i take on some emotional baggage. i'm glad if it lightens their load, and i'm totally willing to share their load, just that sometimes it affects me negatively. Like now. I'm unloading my baggage on my blog.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i'm really worried really worried about my EPC 390 group project paper. It's the first time i'm the lagging/lazy member of the group. WHY can't I just write my part? WHY is it  taking me so long?

If I can't get this done, when am I going to get to study Orgo? WTH?!!!! I have 2 full chapters and 2 partial chapters I haven't covered!!! And I have done absolutely nothing for orgo lab final! What should I do T______________T

I find myself swearing more nowadays. I usually only do it when I'm alone. But the other day when i was extremely stressed/bad mood, half a swear word got out of my mouth (but i closed my mouth with my hand in time) because I was yelling at somebody over some small thing that aggravated me.

Argh.....................if only I can finish my NSO paper before dawn. That'll make things much much better. 

=(

Why then don't you just do it? Just do it! Just do it! Just do it! Don't sleep before you complete what you have set out to do.

Anime Karaoke Night!

shukufuku no toki wa kuru te wo nobashite  te wo nobashite ryoute agete!!

~Sakura Saku, Love Hina OP

Just so impressed/impacted/kangeki by what happened that I just had to blog about it.

Yeah- i was at Northwestern's Anime Club anime karaoke night just now! When they sent out an email asking about interest in anime karaoke night I went "Yes! This is what I've been waiting for!" Even though it's not real karaoke, just play videos on youtube and sing along with microphones in a lecture hall in Tech from 8+pm-11pm. IT WAS SO FUN~~~~!!!!! Noeru Mei Qi we can totally do anime karaoke this way ^O^

I sang: Bouken Desho Desho (Suzumiya Haruhi OP1) with a guy and a girl, Let Me Be With You (Chobits OP) with a girl- not a very good choice, so don't sing this at karaokes! , Doraemon OP with Ken (Alicia's Mat Sci Buddy), Sakura Saku (Love Hina OP), and Be For You Be For Me (Love Hina OVA ED) with a guy (his name is John if I'm not mistaken).

Other songs that I sang along with: Pokemon North American OP, Cruel Angel Thesis (Evangelion OP), Fly Me to The Moon (an oldie, as well as Evangelion ED), Bleach OP2 =)

and of course, the FINALE song - I'll Make A MAN out of You (from Mulan, which technically is not anime but it's a song that everybody (at least in USA) knows) 

I didn't know a lot of the songs but they were pretty nice! 

 

And why was I so impressed?

Well, usually no one ever talks to me in anime club (i don't really talk to anyone either, besides ppl whom I already know, like Rebecca or Ken). I also don't go very often. 

But today, people seemed to like my singing (esp Sakura Saku haha) OvO and 3-4 ppl approached me after the event and said that I have a good voice and such! I was quite flattered ///// One guy, he's in a doujin group asked if I was interested in voice acting? Another guy told me that my voice was very similar (to the singers i suppose) in japanese at high speed-   he had to repeat about 3 times before i could catch what he said...^^;; He also asked how long I've been learning Japanese (or something along those lines) and I said I never taken any classes, just learnt from watching lots of anime and singing songs (yeah i actually answered in broken japanese). I am quite flattered..........let me be on a high for a while........^^;;

But seriously I can't sing as well as I'd like (yes I failed my auditions for Treblemakers and Harmony in Spirit; and I never got beyond 5? songs on 163888 because my recordings sucked). I know that my main weakness is breath support...Proof: I have trouble sustaining notes sometimes, I can't sing with full power and tone at high notes, my voice tends to break, etc. But I just (last month, by a stroke of fate) found out that my neighbour (yes my actual neighbour who stays across from my apartment unit) actually teaches voice and piano lessons! My mum says I should take lessons, since she is so near. I'm planning to do so too (not too many, coz lessons are expensive! O_O)...once my busy period in school is over. And then hopefully I can fix my breathing problem and sing better =) 

Oh one thing i've gotten better at is singing in front of people - I think I'm more daring to sing in front of people now...like friends (thanks to my encouraging housemate and CANTAMUS)....though still shy a lot of times. (For this anime karaoke i for some reason was quite confident (coz i've been singing those songs for years?) and nobody was judging, so I basically didn't care about anyone and just enjoyed myself thoroughly =) )

So glad that I don't have midterms next week (though I have a paper technically due Monday and a GSW makeup assignment, and TWO midterms the week after). That allowed me to let loose for a bit.

But anyway gotta get back on track. That paper is important! 15% of my big grade! And gotta ace that two midterms next week too!

What else? I'm currently watching Lovely Complex and Haruhi Season 2. Like Lovely Complex very mcuh!

Oh and I left my cute popular hat that everybody recognizes on Pace 213 bus last last week =(

But then the bus driver told me she picked it up and put it at the Lost and Found when I got on the bus the following week =) Praise the Lord!

She said that if i couldn't go to Lost and Found, they can send it to me via a bus driver if i can tell them which bus i'm taking.

I called Lost and Found today and they didn't seem to understand.

So I'm debating whether to go to Lost and Found. I'd have to take a 30 minute bus ride........I would totally do it if I didn't have this paper due..... coz i really want that hat back....and God even gave me a chance to get back something that I thought was lost...

I should exercise more. Been eating too many snacks recently =(.

Oh, and I was quite happy with SEANite this year! Cilipadi rocks!

Happy Chap Goh Meh! (kindof over already whatever :P)

As a personal reminder

A quote that struck me when I was reading this:
http://www.rc.net/wcc/readings/dec22.htm

Do you seek the Lord Jesus and the power of his Holy Spirit so that you may be renewed in faith, hope, and love?


Yes, I do.
----

What should I get Jesus for His birthday?


I can't believe this is the first time in my whole life that I thought about Dec 25 not as "Christmas Day" but Jesus' birthday. Like a good friend's birthday. I always think about what to get for my friend for his/her birthday, but never actually for this guy Jesus. I was constantly thinking about what to get for my ex-ex-roommate when browsing around the shops in Little Tokyo just now. I guess it led me to realize it's really sad when most of us give each other gifts on Christmas but never/rarely give a thought to the actual VIP. I actually just realized the whole awkward situation just now. Can't believe it 20 years of my life and now only I realize. If i was the birthday boy I'd be feeling really really pitiful about myself.

So now I'm thinking - what should i get for Jesus this Christmas, for his birthday?

It must be something that will make Him happy, and something that I want to give, and also within my "budget"- i.e. something that is realistically possible for me to achieve.

Still thinking....hope I won't forget that it's His birthday, Dec 25th.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

How did I start thinking about the question above?

Ironically, it stemmed from the possibility of not going to Christmas Day mass/Christmas Vigil.

Today suddenly decided that we were going to Disneyland on Dec 25th. No problem I was planning to go to the earliest mass on Christmas Day, 7am (as written in bulletin). Ended up booking a shuttle (big cab) to Disneyland departing at 7am, bcoz Disneyland opens at 8am. I wasn't expecting we would go that early, so I hadn't told anyone I wanted to go to mass. And I didn't want to create trouble to change the shuttle schedule, or to get everyone behind long lines just because of one person. Or rather I didn't have the courage to disrupt the plans. I'd usually rather adjust my plans rather than trying to change the group plans. 

How about 24th, Christmas Vigil Mass? Well my ex-ex-roommate's church has a Christmas celebration and she's performing, and I'd really like to see her + i know she'll like me there + i really like her church too. It's in the evening/night, but the church is in another town and a church member would have to fetch us there, so the timing is less flexible. Ideally I'd like to go to St. Philip's (that's the Catholic church in Pasadena, very close to the apartment) for the Mass at 5pm, and then go to my ex-ex-roommate's church? Hopefully the timing can work out!

Back to the track: Yes, the possiblity of not being able to attend Christmas Mass made me realized how my mind had been stuck on how to celebrate "Christmas Day" and not how to celebrate the VIP's birthday. Mass is the least I had been doing - I never thought of doing anything else related to Christ, nowhere near anything for Jesus. Having that option taken away from me forced me to think about what else-> what little thing -> what better thing I can do for Jesus this Christmas?

(Also probably leading up from the advice the priest gave me during my confession - Think about What can I do for God)
-------

Had a pretty drawn out discussion over Christianity and its weakness/debatable points and what i wasn't sure about with my ex-ex-roommate. It was a very good session. I understood more perspectives.

-------
"Lord Jesus, help me to earnestly seek you with humility and confidence. Increase my faith in your promises, strengthen within me the hope of heaven and eternal life, and set my heart on fire with burning love for you and for your kingdom. May I always praise and magnify your great mercy."

I took out "and glory" from the end of the prayer (it's from the same website link at top), because currently I don't understand - and hence can't say I truly believe - in the term "glory". Wonder what He means by that?

In Memory of Auntie Y.

I received some shocking news yesterday. Never ever thought something like this could happen. A family friend, my mum's friend, was murdered in her own home in my hometown. Very sad and very shocked. How could this happen?

I remember this lady since young. Our families visit each other. I know all her children, her husband. My brothers were friends with her sons. She gave me angpau many times. She had been struggling with Parkinson's for many years now, and recently had an operation to help her cope with it. From what I know of her, she was a kind and friendly person. She must have been a good person, that's why my mum is friends with her. I don't understand why would anyone want to murder her, (or murder anybody for that matter).

Imagine if this were to happen to my family. I'd be shocked to death. Imagine what her children and family must feel. Imagine what his son felt when he saw his own mother dead in such a brutal way. It's horrible horrible horrible. Everyone I knew who passed away died quite peacefully, but poor poor Auntie Y. God please bring her soul into heaven and allow her soul to rest in peace.

And her murderer. Her maid is the main suspect. I honestly wish it was all a mistake and it was not a murder, because the murderer suffers as much from killing, perhaps even more.......I cannot imagine anyone killing another person directly....

May God console everyone who is hurt by this event and console the hearts of everyone who is grieving... May God grant peace to her soul and everyone affected.

****

Back from Madison, Wisconsin

A little emo...

Meeting INTI friends again after 1 year is amazing. Totally no awkwardness. Had even grew closer to some.
I guess it's because we haven't changed much since we last saw each other?
Perhaps time and distance takes away distance.
Maybe I'm a little less shy and a little more confident.
But I think I'm definitely less helpless than I used to be.

Do I feel differently towards INTI ppl? (sensitive issue - coz there are some INTI readers here ;))
Vast majority - no differently. A few even closer than before, unexpectedly, for example Karen, Shiau Shuang, Lew Jin, and Sik Hoe - I based this on the fact that we had more conversation than we ever had back at INTI). But there are some that i feel slightly more distant - it has nothing to do with how they treat me and such; it's more due to my personal expectations of them- so its my end of the problem not them.

Few drawbacks -  because of my underassertiveness, I missed the chance to visit some ppl I'd like ot have visited, e.g. Hae Ju, Jimmy. Also wanted to try riding Chin Wei's bike.

Madison itself is pretty nice. I like State Street and West Towne Mall. I like the Lakes (you can actually see the other side of the lake!! unlike a certain Lake Michigan =.=) It's really pretty. State Street is very much like my favorite type of street. (=Colorful interesting restaurants and little shops). Oh ya, we went to a super traditional mass at Holy Redeemer... traditional choir with sopranos and tenors and bass and pipe organ... I found interesting that the priest stood to the right of the altar instead of the center - which I really like, because then our focus is directed towards the center, where the crucifix and the Sacrament was placed (yup sacrament was also placed at the center). But I felt that the choir (sopranos esp. -.-) was too loud and detracted away from the mass. I visited St. Paul's Catholic Center and it seemed nice --- the chapel was in an underground like chamber with minimal decorations so I think they wanted it to resemble the underground catacombs in which early Christians had to hide and hold masses in. The music that was coming out from the music room sounded good, like Sheil's choir except with a larger and fuller choir :) The only drawback (yes i am comparing it to Sheil) is that the offices were empty...takde orang... :( Maybe there would be ppl closer to the mass time? Or maybe because it was thanksgiving... Anyway next time I'd like to go to St. Patrick's church (isn't it impressive that there are THREE catholic churches in Madison within walking distance of each other....not to mention a slew of other denomination churches.....).

Oh I think I've gotten better at looking good in photos.....long hair helps....cute hat helps....funny poses helps..... ;P

What else? this ocming week is my study week. Next week finals liao lo!

I actually have a lot to study........hmmmmmmm I gotta buck up starting tomorrow. My bio is in a sorry state, and I'm worried about Orgo 3rd midterm (synthesis T.T), and EPC is tattered to pieces ( I lost interest in EPC since the water issue....sigh....) Get back on track! I have to make it before ifnals.

Everybody (in college) has a lot to study too. So we must support each other!

I also feel that I'm very lucky in terms of living conditions. So lucky that JPA funded my first year's dorm lodging and meal plan (thanks NU for making it compulsory for 1st years to stay on campus), so I managed to buffer my transition to moving off campus. I feel that my friends have so much to deal with first year coming here. I hope that everyone will find their place in USA soon (and not suffer a "lonesome" 1st year as I did), make good wonderful and diverse friends (=not only Malaysian friends) as I have, and benefit from the great education and resources that US universities offer.

Same goes with friends in Malaysia and other countries. Find your place, make great friends, and appreciate and savor your education! It really is not all a torture. Learning is good.

If only I wasn't afraid of making mistakes...

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/24/business/24shortcuts.html

Excerpt from:

The Many Errors in Thinking About Mistakes 

..... excerpt...
“Studies with children and adults show that a large percentage cannot tolerate mistakes or setbacks,” she said. In particular, those who believe that intelligence is fixed and cannot change tend to avoid taking chances that may lead to errors.

Often parents and teachers unwittingly encourage this mind-set by praising children for being smart rather than for trying hard or struggling with the process.

For example, in a study that Professor Dweck and her researchers did with 400 fifth graders, half were randomly praised as being “really smart” for doing well on a test; the others were praised for their effort.

Then they were given two tasks to choose from: an easy one that they would learn little from but do well, or a more challenging one that might be more interesting but induce more mistakes.

The majority of those praised for being smart chose the simple task, while 90 percent of those commended for trying hard selected the more difficult one.

The difference was surprising, Professor Dweck said, especially because it came from one sentence of praise.

------------------
O_O The former one sounds like me. Seriously. I already realize that I always do that, but to have it spelled out so plainly before me....



DO READ THE ARTICLE!! IT'S VERY INTERESTING & I'm sure that it's applicable to many of us. Here;s the link again:
 http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/24/business/24shortcuts.html

Other interesting links:
www.pbs.org/saf/1101/segments/1101-2.htm
(Research on how intelligence changes as people study and learn)


Psychology research showing that when students view intelligence is malleable, they have more confidence and their performance improves:
http://chronicle.com/article/Carol-Dwecks-Attitude/65405/

Suzumiya Haruhi No Yuutsu (Review) + extras

bouken desho desho!? honto ga uso ni kawaru sekai de
yume ga aru kara tsuyoku naru no yo dare no tame janai 
~ The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi, OP~

Anyway I'm back in the states, living off campus, have cooking shifts with housemates Rong & Pong (both Thai girls-a junior n a senior), struggling with keeping up with homework even though i take only 3 classes because i'm so inefficient in managing time, i still want to watch lots of anime (effect of summer), its getting cold so soon, I like being a sophomore, i'm still struggling with escapism, i need to pull my socks up, i need to get my priorities right, i like my life in general, there are many areas in need of improving and my efforts, i musn't neglect my family and friends (in malaysia n here), i should be more courageous n less shy, more polite, more sensitive to others needs. also should exercise more.

Anyways here's a snippet of my diary on days which i watch anime.

FALL QUARTER 2010
sept 25 sat (1st weekend of school year)
1.SPAC cardio blast
2.MSD lunch Najib came to NY teleconferencing. met Nadia, Bernice, Hafiz, Nigel, Hafizah, Khairul etc.
3.H.I.S audition :)
4.Esther's room at 1835 Hinman
5.Busou Renkin ep2
6.suzumiya Haruhi ep12 live a life, ep 11 the day of sagittarius, ep 9 someday in the rain :)

sept 28 tues
cooked red/green bayam and steamed ground pork (pork was unexpectedly a hugee success :) and so easy to make!)
aa megami sama ep1 for dinner

oct 1 fri
used bike sale T.T
bought northwestern purple sweatshirt from norris with nadia
tour around campus
tech lib, orgo ta office hours
orgo gsw- christina duB
tech lib
cilipadi dinner at olive mountain
strawberry yoghurt+authentic japanese green tea ice cream
busou renkin ep3-4
suzumiya haruhi part ep12, ep13, 10, 14 :)
god knows.mp3, bouken desho desho.mp3

oct 2, sat

jewel groceries

dinner at boom;s

busou renkin 5

aa megami sama 2

nodame 1, 4-11fin. very peaceful lol. sleep at 4am x.x

p/s Rong said Pong said she heard me laughing in the middle of the night. lol

oct 3, sun

morning call from pami

rearrange furniture in room

trattoria demi gift cert ($25) 'free lunch' with rong and tee jin

sheil mass 5pm, sheil Big Spaghetti dinner

Aaron come to fix wireless - yay

If you're wondering what's my regular anime now, it's Busou Renkin. will offer my views later on.

And here comes the awaited- or not- Haruhi review! written in the middle of the night after rewatching some Haruhi episodes on Friday night.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Busou Renkin and Suzumiya Haruhi No Yuutsu were the 1st anime i decided to watch after getting back to the States. I wanted to watch something light after heavy (kind of) Busou Renkin.

I managed to finish Suzumiya Haruhi in 4-5 sessions!
I felt like doing it before school really started because the OP gave me a "holiday feeling".

At first I didn't really like it...i thought the first ep was totally weird, and filler episodes
felt meaningless, and i was put off by the weird order of episodes.

I was never a huge fan of sci-fi. But nevertheless it started getting interesting when

POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT

the characters started discussing Haruhi's identity. It was interesting. I thought it was a unique idea. (I'm not familiar with sci fi, just speaking from what i read/watched before). I really think it's unique! The character of Haruhi may seem uncommon, but there are people with Haruhi's personality existing in real life & I certainly could relate very much to Kyon. yeah like Haruhi not listening to others was really annoying (that is one of my pet-peeves, btw grrr) =.=|| Nagato Yuki, Asahina Mikuru, and Koizumi were pretty typical cliche characters, and their identities seemed pretty cliched at first, but I liked it that they all formed (perhaps except Koizumi) human relationships (with Kyon I suppose), and they did play proper roles in the plot & were not just plain convenient or harem-filler characters.

GROWING SPOILER ALERT

However, I think the strongest point and the really strong line threading together the messed-up episodes was Kyon's S.A.N.I.T.Y. There's nothing special about his matter-of-fact narration throughout the series - but somehow, or precisely, BECAUSE it was so ORDINARY and li2 shuo3 dang1 ran2 that it was something that ANYBODY (or everybody who is NORMAL) would THINK and FEEL and SAY about all the events happening - it related the ordinary person to the illogicality and absurdness of Suzumiya Haruhi's world.

Concerning Kyon, I'm truly impressed by how matter-of-fact, sound/sensible, and socially rounded he remains even when stuck with Haruhi the one who breaks all regular social norms and values without a care. I guess this is what you would call someone with high EQ?

RED SPOILER WARNING/ALERT

I also really liked the moments when Haruhi shows her normal human side to Kyon. It's so incredibly comforting to know that Haruhi isn't a mysterious being or a god but just a normal human with feelings and thoughts. I liked it when she explained how she felt about the insignificance of the human existence. (the scenes shown were really good i think). Regularly ppl won't think too much about it. E.g. for me, I don't really care about comparing myself to 100 million or billion others who are doing the same thing as i am doing. As long as I'm having fun I really don't think that's a problem at all. The first time I watched it I was impressed that this girl would be so deeply affected until she changed her whole life and made herself (i guess it's not fair to say that?) became miserable and melancholy. (like "eat too full nothing to do" lol). The second time I watched it, I thought, well, she could choose to run away from home and not live an ordinary student life? or she could go and live with some tribal or little-known people in the Amazon or Peninsular Malaysia or the Gobi desert. But I guess she can't do that due to family ties haha. She IS a normal human being after all, in that sense.

Continue about Kyon. His harem is interesting. All the girls like him, but they never go head over heels or fluster (we must remember that Mikuru-chan flusters all the time) over him, but treat him, just normal. It's also understandable why they like him. (because he stood up for them/defied her?/) [girls like guys who can give them a sense of security, am i right?] Kyon himself treats them normally, not with excessive kindness, but how an ordinary kind person would act. He can also control his lust over Mikuru-moeness, which makes him ordinary (and not a bashful harem guy). But I think what is most interesting is how he doesn't exactly fall in love with Haruhi. Really. Do you think he did? (Don't tell me if you think he did, coz that would damage my ego lol). And it's so interesting with the XX he did in episode The Melancholy of Suzumiya VI, which was not like he did it out of (insert shoujo manga term).

Now let us go into the order of the episodes. I kind of messed up the order in which i watched. The fansubbers (i suppose) did it in the broadcast order (which is messed up), and I got annoyed by ep 5 or 6 so I went and looked up the correct/chronological order. So I think thsi was how i watched it:

01 Asahina Mikuru's Adventure - 06 Lone Island Syndrome Part 1
(then modified order)
08 Lone Island Syndrome Part 2. 07 Mysterious Sign. 10,13,14 The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi IV, V, VI.
12 Live a Life, 11 The Day of Sagittarius, 9 Someday in the Rain.

For some reason I thought that ep9 was supposed to be the final ep (misleading preview?). But chronoligcally is correct.

Anyway my order meant that i finished the main plot first before some filler stuff. Which was an interesting perspective. I really felt for Haruhi in ep12 (Live a Life) when she was singing God Knows, which i thought was totally directed at ep14 (Melancholy VI).


SPOILER WARNING END-----------------



I thought that I might've done the order of the episodes a little better though. Not so messed up, but leaving some important details until the very end (as an online commenter said) makes it fun!

So here's my personal order (for ppl who find being chronologically messed up is annoying, but would still enjoy some degree of Haruhi-style fun)

(episode numbers are broadcast episode numbers)
02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 08, 07, 10, 11/01, 09, 12, 13, 14?, 12.
or maybe
01, 02, 03, 05, 04, 06, 08, 07, 11, 09, 12, 13, 14.

01 is the most annoying one. some ppl might like it, but some ppl would really be put off (like wth is going on?!!! when they first watch haruhi. but maybe that's an intended effet. it should come before 09 though.

Well please share your thoughts on the episode order with me. Or on the series in general. (As if anybody would, hah =P)

I also like the OP, ED alot :) And paying attention to Haruhi's voice actress Hirano Aya, i think she deserves the attention she got. (it must be pretty tiring and emotionally stressful to be Haruhi IMO lol). She conveys Haruhi's forcefulness and emotionally unstableness so well. And i really enjoyed her singing for the rock concert in the anime.

All in all I think Suzumiya Haruhi is a series worth watching. It's pretty refreshing, and it offers deep ideas without bogging you down with depressing darkness as some series like to do.


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