dropping a line or two

just finished talking on the phone with parents and then Esther. Real happy. =)

i'll definitely be able to come up with a proposal for my independent research!

here, i'll make some notes about it. sorry that's it's gonna to be very confusing and you may feel intimidated by big sciencey words but don't worry coz i only just learnt these big sciencey words this past week and i feel very overwhelmed even now. Uh I'm gonna do the context next time and explain everything properly so pls don't think that i'm very advanced or pro in research coz I ACTUALLY DUNNO ANYTHING and i'm so fuzzy on so many things. maybe by the end of summer i'll be more knowledgeable but now i need to learn and learn and straighten myself out of the tangle of confusion. Yeah so this is what this post is. Not for you readers but for myself. -.-"

topics i'm interested in.

Mate incompatibility and flowering asynchrony in small Echinacea remnants. 

Question: Is Echinacea mate incompatibility correlated with flowering asynchrony in remnant populations? I also want assess their genetic diversity, I guess compare genetic variation between incompatible plants and asynchronically flowering plants?? Not sure exactly how the genetic variation ties in.

Habitat Fragmentation and Distribution of Genetic Diversity in Quantitative Traits of ____(insert species)

(excerpt copied from REU blurb):

How habitat fragmentation is influencing the amount and distribution of genetic diversity in quantitative traits such as seed dispersal ability, seedling recruitment, plant growth, and fitness. 

interested in investigating seed traits and seedling growth traits. 

Potential project activities include collecting seeds from prairie remnants, measuring plants in prairie remnants and experimental plots, analyzing digital images of seeds and seed behavior, planting seeds, and mapping plants. An REU project could involve using GPS and GIS technology.

Q. How habitat fragmentation is influencing the amount and distribution of genetic diversity in seed traits and seedling growth traits of Stipa spartea or Dicanthelium.

Methods:

-Collect seeds from prairie remnants and C1?

-Measure plants in prairie remnants and C1? - their fitness?

-Germinate seeds (when- in fall?)

-Analyze digital images of seeds and seed behavior?

-Measure fitness of seedlings?

-Measure genetic diversity of seedligns?

Well what I'm confused about is which plants am I gonna assess the genes? The plant that produces the seeds? The seeds? The seedlings? I'll only be able to do the genetic analysis in Fall quarter, so what will I be doing during the summer? Also Josh (NU MS student in Plant Biology & Conservation) is already investigating seeds and seedlings of Stipa spartea (it's a type of grass), so why does it still need researching? Well I mean not much is known about Stipa basic biology, but I'm really fuzzy over what is not being done by Josh. And since I'd prefer working with flowers than a grass and I don't feel like working with Josh (because I feel like he prefers to talk than listen & I'm personally offended and intimidated), I think I'm not going with Stipa (though it is an important plant). 

So how about Dicanthelium? Its common name is woolly grass. But Dicanthelium is genus name (i think) so i dunno which species is professor talking about?! eek. i am attracted to appearance of dicanthelium more than stipa though, so I think i'd be happy working with them for a longer period of time. (yeah i'm kind of bored of Echinacea ady :P) 

Foreign pollen interfering with pollination in Echinacea. Allegra, an REU student last year, found some very interesting results and it would be great to build on her work. We want to know if foreign pollen interferes with reproduction. We also wonder if transgeneric polymorphisms of S-alleles account for the shriveling. Read the abstract for a poster to be presented at the Ecological Society of America meeting this August. Also, here's a good review paper on this topic.

Determining Breeding systems of prairie plants. 

Determine which prairie plants are self-compatible or self-incompatible. 

Lee (another teammate) is gonna do this.

(copied from REU site)

Determine flowering phenology of mid-summer plants. 

It would be a great project to determine the flowering phenology of plants in remnants. It would be valuable to find out if peak flowering dates differ from one remnant to the next. Also, we would like to know how much flowering schedules overlap--particularly among those species where pollen interferes with Echinacea reproduction.

Determining Breeding system of Helianthus or Coreopsis Palmata (both composite flowers)

- Key groups: legumes, composites, grasses)

I'm confused over what Breeding system entails.

- coz Lee is already doing self compatibility check

- from my notes from prof's lecture, I think it would involve: 

collecting seed from various remnants, germinate them, and analyze fitness.

- I can collect Echinacea seedheads from Amber's phenology experiment

- I can also germinate Stipa.

I think that's where I'm confused.......

What does phenology entail?

What does breeding system entail?

How to test isolation and reproduction?

AGH NO I"M BREAKING THE CURFEW ITS 17 mins PAST 11pm ady i shall move from living room to somewhere else. Wish me luck!

Summer in Ulu Minnesota

I didn't even have the time to reflect on Spring Quarter and my sophomore year! T.T I really really want to do it coz so many things happened in Spring Quarter that's worth reflecting about and retaining in written memory...

But for now, here's an excerpt from email to my parents i wrote today:

--------------------

Sorry if you couldn't get me on the phone. My handphone is really weird, it'll turn off by itself without me realizing it so sometimes I go for hours without noticing that my phone is off even though it is with me. Today also I only realized it just now and just turned it on.

The professor who is in charge of this internship right now has agreed to supervise my independent research for fall quarter. So now I need to come up with a research topic. Hmm... trying not to be lazy and read the necessary background reading for it.

Oh yeah, this Saturday I'll  be running a 5km marathon in Kensington Runestone Park, near the place I'm staying with two other housemates. This weekend is the Kensington Runestone Days Festival, and apparently there'll be fun events going on this weekend :D Otherwise the town is really quiet and doesn't have much to do (even fewer shops than Pasir Mas! can't believe it). There's a Catholic Church near where I'm staying (10 min walk away, and one of my housemates is also Catholic). Surrounding the town are agricultural fields over hills and plains, lots of big and small lakes, and prairie remnants. It's really countryside scenery. 

Today I cooked stir fry bok choy (but accidentally put too much oyster sauce >.<), and my cooking partner made vegetarian shepherd's pie. One of our housemates is vegetarian, and one is allergic to wheat and tomato, and another housemate is allergic to shellfish, so we have to consider them when cooking :) 

During weekdays, it's lights off by 10.30pm or so....I go to sleep before 11pm....wake up around 7am.... but still sleepy during the day I dunno why >.< i always doze off after lunch when professor gives a talk zzz >.< i got eat multivitamin everyday wor... so my tactic now is to munch on something while professor talking so i won't fall asleep...>.< I'm getting along well with my housemates - I'm glad!

----------------------

 Well that's about it! i gotta go to bed before 11pm so good night! off off!

Wonderful Birthday Gift!!!

Thank God and Dr. Wagenius for this wonderful gift.

This might be the best birthday gift so far after the JPA scholarship! Haha~

I've not wanted anything so badly for quite some time...and I would've been really disappointed if I ended up not getting it...

I'm so happy! Have not been so estatic for quite a while! Even though I have so many things to do (8 page environmental autobiography due Wed >.<, Bio midterm Thursday that I haven't finished studying for, Buddhism reading+response paper due tomorrow, Bio lab assignment for which i need to study bio first before I can do, due tomorrow...T_T) I want to share this joy with you guys.

I finally got a field research internship in Minnesota that I've been hoping to get for quite some time! It's extra sweet because the process involved determination on my part, as well as lots of support from Dr. Zerega and parents and encouragement from friends.

It's kind of complicated story. My summer plans. I wanted to get the DAAD scholarship, so I could go do research in Germany + have a good reason/get paid to travel to Europe + see my brother in UK. I hesitated on that, but at the last minute (1 week before deadline), 1) because I dreamt that I met Josiah (my brother) in person AND my father; which made me miss him and my dad so much; 2)ultimately because of Esther's encouragement (because she said, That's plenty of time!). So I applied in a rush and managed to submit my application, but unfortunately I didn't get it. Luckily I wasn't that disappointed (wait too long until sien already- just want to know result and get it over with). After that, I approached Dr. Zerega (director of Plant Bio Graduate Program at NU), and asked for help with finding a lab/summer opportunities. I also hesitated (how many times did I walk outside her office in Hogan debating whether or not to go talk to her (without any notification in advance?) it was God's grace that gave me the courage to do so, and not once but several times! Dr. Zerega said if i could send her my CV and course list she'll help me send that out to the faculty (and see who can offfer me something). Great thing that I had my CV and course list ready from DAAD applications. So I quickly did that. Two people responded. One was a grad student working with fungi and soil (i'd take that if there wasn't anything else, but ultimately i want to study something other than fungi, though they make me laugh). The other one was Dr. Stuart Wagenius, who said he'll consider an unpaid internship on Project Echinacea (purple coneflower, a common prairie plant) in Minnesota; housing and transportation provided. At that time I wasn't sure whether I wanted that, coz ultimately i want to study tropical biology, not prairies, though i do like prairies. So I waited before responding.

At the same time, I tried to find a research position in Malaysia, so I could do research in tropical biology + go home and meet Josiah (coz he's going back home in June/July) How? So happened that mami's old friend was workign at University Malaysia Sabah, and I tried to contact a researcher at UMS through her (networking :O), and I was determined. However, this researcher's emails were not working, but still I tried all avenues (sent him a message on Facebook - weird i know right! but i was desperate lol) and i couldn't get a reply. So around the end of April, it was getting late, and pami advised that I take the Minnesota internship:  better "quality" (using my mom's terms)-- meaning that i'm sure i'll be learning something instead of risking being misused as an office girl in UMS (my imagination :P). And I decided to contact Dr. Wagenius about the Minnesota internship.

He replied! He is still taking! But I'd have to write a cover letter. So I did (luckily i had my "personal statement" that I wrote for Dr. Zerega that I could adapt easily). And then he wanted to do a phone interview wor. Then I said I want to meet him face-to-face coz I suspect I'd be too awkward on the phone. And so last Thursday I went up to the Chicago Botanic Garden to his office. It was funny that in my mind I didn't think of it as an interview at all, but as just a chat with a professor, so I was totally not stressed out and i did not prepare any interview questions/answers (I did read up on the Echinacea project so I wouldn't be clueless if he asked me about it :P).  It was a fun talk... I was being super honest with him about my weaknesses like being shy and not assertive, and I talked as I normally would to a professor (including stopping at awkward points in the conversation and answering with short awkward answers). Only after the interview I realized that it WAS AN INTERVIEW. Lol.

 After the interview, he said he'll have to consider what i can contribute bla bla and would contact me the coming week.

And today......after my conservation psychology class, I pulled up my laptop (for other purposes) and this was in my email inbox:

Hi Maria,

 

It was good interviewing you last week. I would like to offer you a position on Team Echinacea this summer! It's an unpaid summer internship June 13 - Sept 2...(....)...It's going to be a good summer and this internship will be a great learning opportunity.

 

Let me know if you have any questions and if you accept the position.

 

Best,

Stuart

 

-----

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was super super happy! Super happy! I still am happy (though stress of workload creeping up). I immediately forwarded the email to my parents. :)

Praise the Lord. Thanks to everyone who helped me in this process whether directly or indirectly.

Sincerely,
Maria

Now off to actual work! Good luck to everyone on your endeavours! Have courage and go for it!

me right now

sometimes i feel like i absorb other people's negative emotions and it weighs me down...
sometimes i don't get affected at all...
Do you ever get that symptom?

but i believe that it's alright if i managed to ease that person's burden a little...share that burden...

but how about me? where do i go to dump that burden?

my answer to myself: I have God.

I know that, but i don't always turn to him right away. So I waste time trying to get rid of this uneasy feeling. Sometimes (but less often in USA) I talk to people...less often because it's slightly harder to access people I can trust with these things. Other times I just do stupid meaningless things like refreshing my email, stalk ppl on FB, typing people's names random things into google, space out. Sometimes I pray. Sometimes I pray with a half-heart. Sometimes I pray whole-heartedly. Sometimes I turn to the bible. Sometimes I just write my feelings out on paper and reflect in the process of writing. Sometimes I use this blog to help me too.

(looks like the spring break journal is not going to be finished just yet...whoops. Well I managed to record one of the highlights of spring break (tree hugging yeah). Other highlights in brief: went down the famous Mary Jane trail at Winter Park, Snowshoed, Cross-Country Skied in a Snow Storm, got in a very tense moment with someone on the trip due to my lack of control over my mouth which can spout mean sarcastic comments but luckily salvaged it with lots of God's grace and my apology, Actually Played Ping Pong, Did Archery, Experienced Wonderful American Family Hospitality (thanks to the Holsteens <3~), Caught the Last El-train back to Evanston. And throughout all that I clung to the bible and Lenten reflections booklet. asking God to give me grace to be patient and humble... There are some photos on FB in which I'm tagged :))

Want to record some recent important events:
Easter Sunday - waited till Sunday morning to celebrate - it was a wonderful experience. Sheil's 9.300am mass was packed and overflowing....and beautiful... Lunch at Mary Deeley's was wonderful :)

Thursday's MEIV Large Group - "I Am The Resurrection"
Thank God for Christina being there.....I want to live out this resolution.
"To bring dead things back to life."

I am going to ask God to help me again. I thank God so much for being with me this Lent and all the grace He gave me this Lent, to just be less selfish. The opportunities I had to hurt people! Without his guidance I don't know how low I would've gone or how many of those times I would've succumbed to ill will.

Sorry to all you people who find this religious tone too much for your liking, but this is what I feel and what I want to share with you all.

Oh I should tell you guys too: I'm gaining muscle lol! Seriously! I can feel muscles developing in my arms after all those BodyPump classes and I'm proud of it =P I hope that I really have become stronger :)

It's late and I should go to bed. Nitezz, folks~

Spring Break (continued)

Where did I stop last time? I remember I had something I wanted to write about for Day 1 or 2 but I can't recall it now. Anyways it's 12.16am Saturday here now :)

Monday: Day 2 of Skiing
Rung and I went with  Aunty Ming up the Prospector's lift from Discovery Park. She was going to go down an easy slope/path she took yesterday (Intl coding for ski slopes: green=easy; blue=intermediate; black=expert). The Prospector's lift took us up to a hill - it was really pretty! There were only 2 ways to get down from the hill - Jack Kendrick and Village Way, and both were green. Aunty Ming said Village Way, so we went with her, and boy! The slope was STEEP! Pretty scary =A= but we had no other way of going down. There was a family of skiers who went down one by one. Aunty Ming told us to look at how they turned as a way of going down the slope slowly. Aunty Ming went down, and I decided to follow her because i felt it would be easier following somebody than trying to go down on my own. So we managed to reach down that one slope safely, and waited for Rung who had to "gather her courage" and after some time she came down too, safely. Then we continued on Village Way, there were curves and a tunnel, and forks. Followed Aunty Ming, trying my best to turn, but still going pretty fast. I was not wearing glasses (cannot fit under ski goggles) so I couldnt read the signs (and I was probably going too fast to read signs anyway). I wanted to stop at a fork and wait for them, so I decided to head towards the right side of a fork divided by bunch of trees, and make a turnaround to come to a stop near those trees .....but ALAS tak sempat turnaround/ turnaround not sharp enough and I was going to crash into the trees and I turned my body to crash sideways/backwards into the trees rather than face front! LUCKILY I WAS WEARING MY HELMET AND MANY LAYERS OF CLOTHING AND THICK WINTER JACKET SO THANK GOD I WAS NOT INJURED. I decided to let myself rest from the impact...and then attempted to get myself out of the mess. Unfortunately the area around the trees tend to be inclining downwards so it was pretty much impossible to ski away from them - I'd have to take off your skis and walk to more even ground in my ski boots, and put on my skis again. Well I was spared the trouble of taking my skis off (it can be difficult to take them off if you're not on them) because the crash took them off. But here comes the challenge - how do I put on my skis without sliding backwards down towards the trees again! Either that or put the skis on on the real slope where my skis could easily slide forwards before I put them on......

Another teenage boy was also having trouble putting on skis. He asked me to help, so I helped him, and we got his skis on, then he said thanks, and off he went down the slopes without helping me >.< So I was standing there, resting, thinking about what to do next. Some other people were also standing nearby, resting? on their skis. I think I saw Rung a little behind me at that point - she probably fell too. I decided to tell a nearby skier that I crashed into trees just now, and get help with putting my skis on. The guy was very helpful - he helped me with my skis and I finally got them on! Then I followed him down Village Way, but then I went too fast, ahead of him, and I wanted to turn to stop, at another fork (two paths diverged - one was lower level, one was higher; the two trails were divided by a flexible orange mesh fence) but then AGAIN TAK SEMPAT TURNAROUND and I fell halfway through the orange mesh fence, basically hanging on for dear life to the higher road and trying not to slide down to the lower trail and crash into other people >_< Saw Rung pass ahead of me and also almost/or did fall(?) the same way I did but less severely. The man who was helping me got a phone call (basically his friend was waiting for him at the bottom of the hill), and when he saw that Rung was my friend he said to her that he thinks I need a ski patrol (basically call a staffperson to take me down the hill). Rung asked him how far it was to the bottom, and he said it was some distance to the bottom. I thought that calling ski patrol would be wise, seeing that I kept falling in such pathetic ways and in case I was injured in some place I didn't realize. So I let them carry on the conversation and call ski patrol while I took off my skis (it was difficult! >.<), clambered up to safe ground, ate my emergency food (bagel with peaunt butter) to gain some energy, and let my body rest+ nerves calm down. The man went ahead, and ski patrol came (thanks Rung for calling and waiting) - it was a guy in red. He asked me whether I was hurt, I said I don't think so, just nervous. Rung asked him how far it was to Discovery Park, and he said it's just right there. So we cheered up, and let him lead us to Discovery Park, safe, safe ground. Then we went down Discovery Park (I fell again >.<, not sure why, it was a really gentle slope, in the region under the Discovery chair lift) Some people on the Discovery chair lift called out to me to take my skis off, and I shouted back I lost my poles (they were uphill), and they shouted back "Use your hands", and I tried, but it was difficult (>.< tangan saya no strength >.<) I can't remember whether i succeeded or not, but another ski patrol guy came and helped me up and returned me my poles (Yay, thanks!). And we went down Turnpike (I probably fell again - can't remember exactly) and went to have lunch at the Black Building next to the Blue Building (I don't know the names of the building, but the black buidling had a cafeteria on the 3rd floor) We met up with Anthony on the 2nd floor dining area (with microwave ovens!), Alvin came a bit later, Aunty Ming even later. We ate our "packed lunch" (chicken stored in the bathtub with icecubes in plastic bags lol). Rung told me to enjoy my lunch, but I told her i need to space out to calm down my nerves, so I ate staring into space and not talking. Asked Alvin who went to buy coffee from the 3rd floor to help me get a banana ($1.50 for 1 banana! super expensive..I knew it would be but still I wanted that banana :P).

and it is 2.09am now (i was doing other things (official things like emailing professor lar :P) between 12am and 1am) and I gotta wake up at 8am to skype with my Wang family so TBC.... =P

Spring Break

Time to replace emo post with yet another emo post?

DON'T WORRY I don't have time to write a long emo post :P Coz I have to do readings for tomorrow's classes. Will I have neough time to do those? >.< Whatever I wanted to record my spring break down before I lose the passion :P

Just wanted to tell you guys a little about my spring break this year. I went to Colorado with my housemate Rung and her mat-sci buddies, ie Alvin (Singaporean; was one of my housemates last summer), Anthony (met him few times before but not close; oh his dad was from Malaysia. Oh should I mention that Alvin's mum is Malaysian too? Lol), Aaron (from Colorado; met him even fewer times than Anthony); Anthony's mum, and Ian and Albert (Aaron's friends, never met them before).

So Saturday Rung, Alvin, Anthony, and I flew into Denver Intl Airport, rented a car, and Anthony's mum drove us up into the Rocky Mountains, to Winter Park (name of ski resort). We bought food supplies for 3-5 days on the way and checked into a hotel called Mountain Lodge, the four of us. Anthony's mum (we called her Aunty Ming - yes the 'Aunty' was my idea :P) stayed in another place called Beaver Lodge.

Sunday - 1st Day of Skiing
Although I skiied for a day in Wisconsin last year (it was tremendous fun! though i only managed to master the straight slopes :P), I didn't quite know how to turn yet. Also Rung has never skiied before, so both of us took the beginner lessons. Alvin is quite the pro at snowboarding, and Anthony at skiing, and Aunty Ming is intermediate level at skiing; though Anthony tried snowboarding the first day. Anyway our ski lessons were with a cute old instructor with beard called Peter, and there were about 9 members in the group, from teens to parents. Learnt the basics of basics (how to walk and how to stop!) - I got pretty bored by lunchtime coz I sudah pro with magic carpet (just an elevator to take you up the straight slope) straight slopes :P But not quite so good once we got to turning ^^;; After lunch we were taken up to the upper slopes- Discovery Park - to learn and practice turning. And then finally went down Turnpike, a curvy, easy slope - I fell 3 times on the way trying to turn and panicking at the sight of the cliff edge =.=" After that Rung and I went up the lift (the chair lift without safety bar =P) to Discovery Park, practiced, and came down Turnpike; with Alvin and Anthony :) The lifts closed at 4pm, so after skiing we headed back to the hotel, ate chicken stored in aluminum foil trays/plastic boxes + ice cubes in plastic bags + in the bathtub (^^;;;), went for jacuzzi =D (chatted with family from Colorado in the hot tub), shower, watch tv, tidur.......

I'm usually a really good sleeper (can fall asleep easily and sleep through noise), but during the trip I had trouble going back to sleep when I woke up in the middle of the night. Perhaps it's because my housemate tends to shift around a little too often =P Well so I woke up way before the alarm went off on Monday...

(TBC, folks!)

SURVIVE

prayer request:
for my mother. discovered growth in uterus. doing biopsy on thursday to check whether benign/malignant.
for my dad.

survived my busy last day of class of winter quarter Monday. i actually missed church for the first time in my academic career due to schoolwork. it was unplanned. i usually go to mass at 5pm or 9pm. but yesterday i had gsw from 12-2pm,2-4pm, then my group project meeting (presentation today) from 4pm. Did not expect it to go until 12midnight. And i only realized today that i actually missed mass. o.o"

Ash wed is this wednesday.

don't feel like doing any work, though i do have alot of work to catch up on.

- orgo lab report (due Wed)
- orgo ch18 questions
- orgo ch19
- orgo ch20
- orgo ch21
- orgo practice final
orgo final exam (next Wed)
*aside: my heart breaks when i realize that i won't be listening to Trzupek (orgo prof) lecture for almost everyday of the week starting next quarter. T.T can't believe how sad i am...yet i still tak sanggup take the 3rd quarter of orgo coz i hate lab (in short). Sigh.....

- bio - everything since 2nd midterm. I lost count of what i have to study. @_@
- need to get substantial bit of studying done by Thursday night, coz Friday review session.
bio final exam (next Thu)

- epc390 interface btw behavioral theory and conservation paper (due next Monday)

At least the stupid northern spotted owl is out of the way! i clearly spent way too much time on that owl!!! grrr!

Good thing: I'm going to have my first private lesson with my neighbour tomorrow! yay!

gts (go to sleep)