it's been a long time

since i last updated. i know.

i just got too lazy to do anything besides
eating, sleeping, surfing the net, eating, anime, drama, spider solitaire, going to the library to give me the illusion that i'm spending my time in a more productive way, gym, reading, eating, and daydreaming.

sometimes i'm even too lazy to bathe.

T.T i'm against having no classes because i know that i will soon fall into the desolate life of indiscipline and idleness.

ok, to be brutally honest. i did put in a bit of effort to be more productive. e.g. washing clothes by hand- because i have time on my hands, and it helps me to get off my lazy butt for a while. & it saves me RM2.50-RM5 per week, and up to RM10-20 per month!

another effort is, the utilization of the Form 6 Chemistry CDs which I got from pa. also tried to make notes from my bio textbook or the bio textbooks in the library (but it's very tahi-tahi ayam-i haven't managed to finish even one chapter yet T.T).

the Main Problem is, I'm not CONSISTENT. Once I don't have something to make me sit up & get serious (e.g. a lecturer, a final exam, tests), I'm too easy on myself. I just simply say, "Ok, today I might read the Malaysian Studies text. Ok, today I'll do the Calculus Revision." But when time comes, I feel bored and just turn to something else. Such as napping, reading other more interesting books, surfing, or just plain waste time on Spider Solitaire.

Such is my terrible lifestyle and avoidance from duties. I sleep at bad hours (trend nowadays is 1-3am), waking up at irregular hours (depends on what time i sleep), eating too many cookies and drinking too much canned/carton drinks which are full of sugar, and just putting off unpleasant things and run away!

Even looking at my roommate doesn't get me inspired, just because I don't realize how challenging my studies will be in Northwestern. I need some lecturing.

FYI, my roommate is studying Java Programming, with the help of books and Francis. She's already preparing for her future course in her uni. I know that the level at her uni is very high and she doesn't want to be unprepared, but I'm impressed with her concentration and tenacity. She studies like she's currently taking the course. Making notes, doing programming on her laptop. She stays up as late as me (usually around 1am-2am), but wakes up early (i think by 8am), and no daydreaming. She does have entertainment (i gave her some anime), and reads non-academic books, but she doesn't succumb to them.

Unlike me. I watch anime everyday now. And since i got Hanazakari from my bro i've been addicted to that as well. 2 weeks ago I was addicted to La Esperanca and my sleeping time was absolutely messed up: 1st nite:4am, 2nd nite:5am, 3rd nite:7am *coughs* was so afraid that my roommate would wake up and find me still in front of my laptop. it'll be so embarassing, wa~ T.T

Because I have time on my hands now, and it's free, I don't know how to appreciate or manage it. I act and decide on whims because I'm free. Sometimes it's good. But most of the time I keep succumbing to unbeneficial cravings. Weak-willed.

{warning for those who don't feel comfortable reading Christian-ny stuff. u can skip if u like. it's just me blabbing away}

I felt myself was drifting around in a messed-up world filled with gray matter and all sorts of junk, swirling around and around. Can't catch hold of anything. Losing my "center". I am physically in church but i can't "get into it". I felt spiritually detached from God. This is not the first time I'm feeling detached. It comes and goes like a fairywheel. Sometimes I feel really close to Him, sometimes I just feel detached. It's a gradual process. It's a process, so usually I'm not really worried about it. But this time I think i was detached for too long. I couldn't feel anything in church, and praying became awkward and hard for me. I neglected praying for many nights. I rather just immerse myself in more interesting fantasies than the boring talk to God.

I attempted to get my feeling back. For the past 2 weeks, I arrived at chapel early to practice the keyboard, and usually there's nobody around, so I prayed aloud, in front of the altar, the Crucifix above me. It was not enough. CSS had a rosary meeting last Wednesday. It was not enough. I went to The Holy Family Church in Kajang last last Saturday, and the mass was beautiful, filled me with awe, but it was not enough. Last Sunday I went to Kristus Aman with my brother Joshua.

I wish PaMi would call me more often, but I dunno what to say to them. And i'm sorry that I sometimes tell Papi things that I don't tell Mami coz Mami over-reacts. I know she wants to know. But sometimes I will tell Mami things I don't tell Papi. I don't mean to be unfair. Anyway meeting Joshua...

I'm very glad that I went to Taman Tun last weekend!
Perhaps Joshua may have thought, or thinks, that I prefer Josiah over him. since i always push him away and stick to josiah.
But no, I can't imagine losing either of them. It makes me want to cry just imagining if they were to die suddenly. I can't imagine having more brothers either. I only have my 2 precious brothers, and I love them very much.

I love you, Joshua & Josiah!!! Do you hear me?

Joshua & Josiah are two pretty different characters. Joshua, the eldest, is more out-going, sociable, fun-loving, more extroverted, but can become very introverted at times, probably the naughty boy at school. He's a monkey. Josiah, on the other hand, is more reserved & quiet, likes staying at home, enjoys solitude, very smart, at school ppl probably see him as a good, studious boy. But you know what? People change, and so do my brothers. I think Josiah enjoys more company now that he's found people who can ngam with him...and he must enjoy touring Europe.

Joshua...I don't know why, but he seemed more mature when I went to Taman Tun last weekend. He's still him. but Less wild. More gentle. Maybe age is catching up with him. :P Or maybe it was the effect of the church camp in Penang that he attended the week before. I like him this way. I don't know whether he realizes it. I won't want to push him away so much. I certainly hope this'll go on...but whether it does or does not, I still love him, as long as he is still him.

*this is getting kind of mushy*

I really enjoyed the detour to Taman Tun. I didn't expect to enjoy it this much, though the shopping could've been better (can't be helped, coz our shopping habits are too disimilar.. well except for food :P). Wang Family Loves Good Food! We did just ordinary things: looking at photos, chatting (i dunno why, but i randomly get into serious conversations about life with any one of my family members, but it feels so natural ^^), watching JP dramas & animes & previewing movies, eating, going to church, window shopping and me sleeping in his car. Looks like my favorite "Love Language" really is Quality Time. Laughs. Thank you Joshua & Aunty Mary & Ah Chong (Joshua's friend from Pasir Mas) for giving me a good time!

What is "Love Language"? It's one of the things Joshua learnt in his camp. LOL. There are 5 types: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Gifts, and Physical Touch. According to the questionnaire (which i found very difficult), Joshua's top two are Words of Affirmation & Acts of Service. Mine (i suspect they will change with time) are Quality Time & Physical Touch. Ask Joshua or google if you want to know more. I'm hungry coz it's 8.15pm and I haven't gotten my dinner.

My rambling rant stops here coz my stomach is rumbling. Ja ne!

Update.....aaaa....i don't want to fall into the days of desolation...

偶不要颓废过生活！！！！！T.T

Past few weeks have been rather occupied...

Jaga Chinese Cultural Week booth, Exhibition Week, making doorknob hangers, CSS Gathering Night, watching Bleach, I'd Do Anything, 6 hours of Malaysian Studies lecture per week (very little), gym, preparing Angelina to take over the keyboard in my absence, preparing to fail INTI Idol auditions, Chinese Cultural Week meetings, Chinese Cultural Week booth, Chinese Cultural Week itself, Day 1 of Opening Ceremony, Book Fair and Exhibition, Carnival, Chinese Cultural Night!!!!, 2-Day-1-Night Penang Trip!!, eating leftover Seremban Siow Pau, leftover egg tarts, pineapple tarts and cheese tarts, free flow of leftover Petaling Street Longan Drinks (and testing whether they've become sour), free flow of unpopular mango juice made from Mydin Mango Concentrate, eating leftover catered dinner for performers that were left in airconditioned room overnight =A=, eating of almost expired mochi, eating of Tau Sar Pheah, Phong Pheah, Heong Pheah, Dragon Ball Pheah and whatever Pheah in Penang....................

all committee had definitely acquired phobia of Seremban Siow Pau and Longan Drink after the event. orz

Oh, and I got a sprained ankle while on Penang Hill. no i didn't get to roll down the hill. was reading Suk Sien's sms and didn't pay attention to the freaking eye-deceiving "steps" that looked like flat ground. I even took a photo of the crime scene, but too lazy to upload...

Sprained ankle wasn't that seriously, luckily, and thanks to the miraculous 正骨水 lent by the shopkeeper on Penang Hill, could walk.

Back to INTI, went to clinic. Doc didn't say much, but told me I didn't look like a Chinese (I am so pleased to hear that :P) and charged me RM40 T.T

After CCW, there's the "散后工作" (work after the event...cleaning up!!) Well, Yih En attempted to clear up everything almost on her own... but called me when she couldn't manage. wahlau u ppl should see the car stuffed full of unsold books to be returned, Seremban siow pau containers (unwashed :P) and the costumes for the fashion show. Really respect her. She carried a few, no joke really heavy boxes of books from SC1-4 to the car. ANd drove solo all the way to Klang/KL/Seremban. And still she says degrading things about herself.

Well, I accompanied Yih En to Damansara to return costumes to Costume World (very interesting place) by taxi, to Taman Bahagia (somewhere in KL?) to return books, to Petaling Street to pay Long Bao Zai some hutang, to Seremban Specialist Hospital for medical checkup (these 3 places by car driven by Yih En O.O), and yesterday to Serdang to return costumes+bow and arrows by public transport! Btw, the Leong Ya Restaurant opposite Serdang KTM is pretty good...though pricey ^^

And now? Aft all the harry of CCW, i neglected my "self-studies" and also neglect my MPW studies T.T I caan;t seem to bring myself to do the assignments earlier than scheduled date T.T always no mood no mood waaaa

Turned to books(it's not good if i read books until 3.30am like last night), Spider Solitaire, Mahjong Titans, anime, sleep to escape the reality of LOOMING ASSIGNMENTS AND PRESENTATION DEADLINE

Doesn't help that my roommate is spending long hours not in our room *gasp* earnestly completing her Moral Assignmentssss and studying Physics, Astronomy, AstroPhysics, and the latest addition-- Java Programming?!

Ah if she's not in the room I'm even more indisciplined. Even going to Block N didn't help me finish my assignment earlier.

Wa- tolong me. I need to wake up from my rut. Mr. Raymond has kindly extended the group assignment deadline from thursday to next monday, and I MUST REALIZZE THAT I AM TOTALLY NOT AROUND THIS WEEKEND coz i joined the Children Camp ^^

WHAT ARE THE STRATEGIES THE GOVERNMENT IS USING IN PLURAL SOCIETY TO ESTABLISH UNITY AND CREATE NATIONAL INTEGRATION?

My Group Assignment Question. I'm doing the Social field, which is probably the easiest part. Where is my moodie~~~ come back~~~~ 我不要对不起彩凤(is this how to write her name)~~~~~

My group consists of Cai Fong (my cute quiet neighbour) and Yih En (still busy T.T). Presentations actually start next Thursday! I better wake up!

0000000000000000000000000rang0000000000000000000000
In an unrelated matter, my respect for Tun Dr.Ismail has really increased after reading his biography ^^. His political views just suit mine ^^. And I've gained a clearer view of the history of Malaysia.

Raymond Lee says "Historians are always biased." Agreed! ^^

I also like the book "佐贺的超级阿嬷" (or original title "Saga no Gabai Baachan"), about the author and his childhood life with his Grandma in the rural village of Saga. His wonderful Grandma has really unique, wise and interesting perspectives of life, and how to live it happily. For example, she says, “穷人最能做的，就是展露笑容。”(The best thing a poor man should do is to smile.) Really, if we don't have anything to give, our smiles are good enough to make others happy.

Another that struck me: “让人感觉不到的体贴才是真正的体贴，真正的关切。”
(i suck at translating so i don't want to translate)

One that had been a huge source of motivation for the author: “到死以前都要有梦想！没实现也没关系，毕竟只是梦想嘛。”
"You must hold onto your dreams until the day you die! Even if they are not fulfilled, it's alright, because they are just dreams anyway."
Pragmatic and Idealistic at the same time. I'm sure everyone, including me, has some secret dream, that we are "forced to throw away" or "discouraged from pursuing", due to circumstances. Yet dreams are a source of satisfaction, hope and motivation for us, and having someone telling us that it's okay not to give up regardless of whether it's going to be realized or not- is a wonderful kind of encouragement. Coming from the words of a Grandma. ^^

Well, that's all for now. Released some of the tension born out of stupor and unproductivity. Wish i could stop wishing and do somethign productive! Argh!

The Wind Beneath My Wings...

Did you ever know that you're my hero,

and ev'rything I would like to be?

I can fly higher than an eagle,

'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed, but I've got it all here in my heart.

I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it,

I would be nothing without you.

Fly, fly, fly away, you let me fly so high.

Oh, fly, fly, so high against the sky, so high I almost touch the sky.

Thank you, thank you, thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.

~The Wind Beneath My Wings,

written by Larry Henley and Jeff Silbar

Happy Mothers' Day!! Bless all mothers...
Again, I was unable to tell my mother properly on the phone what I wanted to tell her. Haiz. I will try again and i hope i can be brave enough to say it properly.

Back to INTI~!

-A-

Looks like I'm in.
For a new weird semester.

My new timetable:
Monday: 2-4pm Msian Studies
Wed: 12-1pm Msian Studies

That's all?
.
That's all?

Ya betul sou desu 没错

-A-

Tolong! I don't want to waste time. God help me to make full use of my free time.

Pami suggested that I find a Toastmasters Club to join. It's a good idea though the prospect is daunting.
I suggest to myself that I join the gym. Jangan ketawa!
I joined the Chinese Cultural Week committee. =)

Gambatte Maria! Hope you can have both Work & Play in appropriate amounts that will do you much good!
(ei who r u talking to eh = =)

Move foward without regrets!

don't want gnawing

DORAMATIKKU-TIKKU tomeraresou ni nai

tometai to omou wanai

~ Dramatic, Ookiku Furikabutte OP

Finished Fruits Basket the manga! Finally! Finally! Kanpai!!

And after that Honey & Clover II 11-12. Owari! Hachimitsu to Clover seems to give the impression that love is bittersweet. Bittersweet.

Then Saiunkoku Monogatari II 1. Usual Saiunkoku fluff.

Perhaps it's an overdose of shoujo, sentimental, emotional, dramatic stuff. I'm feeling that homesicky feeling; or should I say the dread of going back to school that will always plague me near the end of every holiday. Usually it's because I haven't finished the holiday homework. But why now?

It makes me feel uneasy, weighed down, bluey, heavy in the stomach, anxious, homesick while at home. Unwillingness to change and get out of this comfortable nest.

Perhaps I regret not spending more time with my parents, instead stuck at the computer doing my own thing. I should spend more time with my parents. I should spend more time with my family.

Also lamenting that we have not taken a family photo since a long time. The 5 of us. Maybe the next chance will only be few years later, after Josiah and I come back. But I'm scared too, coz so many things can happen within a few years. I hope we can. Really want to. God please protect us all.

Anyway this feeling is gnawing at me. Last time i used to get rid of it by watching really funny and fast-paced anime like Gravitation & Yakitate Japan or a combi of both (plus of course trying to finish my school homework). It usually works. But I dun feel like rewatching those anime coz it's gonna cause nostalgia. Haiz. I'm going back on Sunday morning. I want to go back to INTI refreshed, not bogged down and depressed.

Exercise?

Ahem. Yeah. I should do it. :P

Spewing out unpleasant feelings should do me a lot of good. I think tomorrow I want to keep talking and talking to pami instead of burying my head in a book.

Just talk rubbish and nonsensical things.

Yay for blogging~ Gambatte Maria!

Sunway Pyramid...

I said I was going to systematically backblog significant events right?

Erhem. I fastfowarded to after exams. Coz dun feel inspired to blog about academics, though I dearly love to upload photos of my lecturers XD.

This post is gonna be easy coz i'm just gonna dump all the photos I took and comment a little bit.

The day after my last paper, me, Michelle and Karyn (they're roommates!) went to Sunway Pyramid. They overslept so we missed the 9.30am INTI bus. Went by KTM and then RapidKL. Stupid us didn't know that the Pasar Seni bus goes to Sunway. Waited under the freaking hot sun for half an hour before Mich went to ask the bus driver.

This was taken on the bus from INTI to KTM station.

I think I took this on the KTM.

The KTM looks like this.

Karyn, saya. Ignoring the sign that says "Do not sit." :P

Lunch!!! I kinda like the flat font.

Ini Michelle. Biting the straw out of frustration?

My lunch. Banana Caramel. Hmm. kinda regret not ordering another. But caramel+vanilla ice cream is mensyokkan~ :P

Michelle's cheese baked seafood rice. she makan sehingga jelat and begged us to help her finish.

I found these mannequins very fascinating.

Me & Karyn's customized pebbles.

Pebbles. 3 for RM10. Bigger stones are RM5, or RM 10 each. Also sell wooden keychains etc. You can pick the pebbles you like, and request the stall owner to write whatever you want on it. (I was really impressed when he managed to write Anna's very complicated chinese name (钰鑫) beautifully on the tiny pebble!)

But a note of warning: the stall owner WILL add on smileys or flowers or mini suns even when you didn't ask for it-- So if you don't want the extras make sure to tell him soon!
After writing on the pebble, the stall owner sprayed something (like a protective layer) on the pebbles and blowed them dry using hair-dryer (?). But the ink may still run after that, so take care of your pebbles!

Before going back, we stopped at J&Co.'s Donuts!

^////^ Mah scrumptious chocolate caviar aaaaaaand beloved duriaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan~~~~~~!!!!!!

Karyn and Mich and a bunch of ppl waiting at INTI for this.simply.adorable.set.of.mini.donuts!

We left Sunway quite late. Took a cab to Midvalley (RM40 T.T divided amg 3). The counters at Midvalley KTM ady closed so I had my first experience of buying tickets from the machine. Got the shock of my life when I feeded the machine with a RM10 note, then the machine began spewing out 50cents, 20 cents and 10 cents = RM5.30 change!!! (Great. useful for laundry lol)

Reached KTM Nilai bus station pretty late so we took a cab back to INTI. The driver complained that INTI students dunno the time, always come back late late no more bus....

Laaaaate dinner at bakery. I didnt feel like eating much so got a croissant (Bakery's croissants are great!!). ordered scrambled egg (not worth la, fry ur own better), and Lipton's peppermint tea. Peppermint tea not bad lar. Makes ur mouth feel fresh Aahh~~~

Spent quite a lot that day. >RM120 if I'm not mistaken. must be more frugal. ick!

Tagged by Anbu on Facebook

Anbu tagged me on FB, but i'm posting it here ^^

Be honest no matter what, then tag at least 10 friends.
01. Who was your last text from?
ling fei ^^

02. Where was your default picture taken?
Grandma's house in Penang

03. Your relationship status?
Single

04. Have you ever lost a close friend?
No...

05. What is your current mood?
A bit tired & wishful

06. How many siblings do you have?
2

07. Whats your brother(s)/sister(s) names?
Joshua & Josiah

08. Where do you wish you were right now?
Being hugged by my whole family ^^;

09. Have a crazy side?
Wish I'd show it more often

10. Ever had a near death experience?
Yup.

11. Something you do a lot?
Stare

12. Angry at anyone?
Not really

13. What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
Har

14. When was the last time you cried?
2 nights ago. Watching Honey & Clover II lol.

15. Is there anyone you would do anything for?
I wish I was good enough to say I would do anything for my parents

16. What you think about when you are falling asleep?
when I have time, I fantasize =P

17. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Can't remember

18. What is your favorite song?
Currently: Yiruma's river flows in you

19. What are you doing right now?
Computer

20. Who do you trust right now?
clueless

21. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
A friend gave it away

22. Have you kissed someone in the past week?
Today! Kissed Mami =P

23. Who is your friend that lives closest to you?
Teck Wei, Lee Min and Chua Lee Chee = my neighbours

24. Describe your life in one word?
Good?

25. Who are you thinking of right now?
Nobody in particular

26. What should you be doing right now?
Mandi

27. What are you listening to?
Swallows chirping/recording of swallows chirping from my neighbour's

28. Who was the last person who gave you a hug?
Papi or Mami ^^

29. Who was the last person who yelled at you?
Jurulatih at BTN camp?

30. Do you act differently around the person you like?
Dunno..?

31. What is your natural hair color
Black.

32. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Anbu's tag answers

33. Who was the last person to make you sad?
Hmm...me?

34. What do you hear?
please refer to q.27

35. Is your hair curly or straight?
Straight

36. Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before?
I wish LOL

37. Do you have a best friend?
How do you define best friend?

38. Held hands with the opposite sex in the past 3 days?Yep. Papi dear~
39. Do you use smiley faces on the computer?:)

40. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Maybe when I was a kid

41. Are you happy with life right now?
Grateful

42. Are you currently jealous?
I am jealous of slim ppl lol

43. What jewelry are you currently wearing?
nothing now

44. What were you doing on friday night?
last friday...laundry and packing

45. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Not really

46. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Not that I know of

47. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
No...just a lil bit disappointed with myself

48. What was the last reason you went to the doctor for?
Ermm. can't remember.

49. How late did you stay up last night and why?
2am+ Blogging, anime, massage mami. woke up at 7.20am for church x.x

Whoo! That was quite fast and simple.

I tag: Mei Qi