I am crying like hell...

A stormy, rainy day. So cold that I had to wear a jacket while sitting in the pantry.

Recently so many people have been asking me how's my university application. Esp. my mother.

I've heard that many JPA scholars from my batch have been accepted to UWash, and I have all but lost hope...

It's not that I'm very desperate, but I really really really hate to let my parents down, after all they've done for me. Esp my mother. I believe she wants me to get in even more than I want. Actually for me, although I do want to get accepted, I don't really mind staying back at INTI, since it's a nice place. But my mother thinks differently. She is a very determined person, and would do everything in her ability to make her children succeed. I must admit she is very very kiasu, but what's wrong with being kiasu if it helps you to exceed yourself?

If not for my mother, I would be nowhere near where I am now. I am kiasu, but I also tend to give up too quickly.

Yet if there is someone who expects highly of me, if that someone is one I respect and love, I want to work hard, much harder than I would for myself, for that someone.

Esp. if I have let that someone down before. I didn't get straight A's for my SPM. I know how disappointed she is. Even though she says she will still love me whether I fail or whatever kind of result I get, I know she will be disappointed. That's why I was so scared I wouldn't get in.

This stress, plus the stress from tests and upcoming testsss, and the uncertainty of CSS' trip to Seremban, put me under severe stress for the past week. And my stupid method of easing the stress was: eating T.T Something is wrong when i cannot stop eating even the plain Jacob's cream crackers.

Today my roommate told me she got an email from CalTech saying "unofficial admission", now waiting for the official letter. I'm happy for her as she really deserves to get in (though she said CalTech is not what she really wanted-- but CalTech is a really really good uni!) And she told me I would surely get into UWash (coz everybody who applied got in). I was skeptical, coz the ones who got in were smart, and my essay sucked.

And it came in the most unsuspecting way. Just as I connected to Extreme Broadband, Google Talk's email preview popped out and I saw the words "Congratulations! ...." O_O

OMG OMG OMG
Broke down after reading the email. Yes they have accepted me and will be sending the offer package in a few weeks. T.T My eyes are swollen now. Ow.

Called my parents and spoke so incoherently that my mother couldn't understand what i was saying and passed the phone to my father. T.T Wahlau my mother still saying if I can get Cornell or Brown which one would I choose. Told you she's so kiasu. I'm thankful enough to get accepted into any university.

My roommate 很神. She said don't let it get over my head. Yes, must work hard for the present! Or else I shouldn't deserve this admission.

Thank God, thank Papi, thank Mami, thank Josiah, thank Joshua, thank my friends, thank my teachers and lecturers, everyone who supported me and prayed for me throughout the whole shitty process of application T.T

Hope this will motivate me to always try my best and not be scared to ask for help. Must never forget to be thankful.