hence, id and ego have been running rampant all over the place.
i think. since second quarter physics.
sad to say, i was happier with david taylor (first quarter physics) class. i found it more interesting and more relaxing (more spoon-feedy?).
andrew rivers is nice, but his style is more exam-oriented and making points (as compared to taylor's story-telling style). and there's conceptual questions on exams! T_T i hate those.
i have a final coming up on tuesday, and still, i am here, just finished my nodame 10 ep marathon. before that i was on gakuen alice manga marathon since erm, thursday? (finally was forced to stop at the last chapter uploaded on mangafox). i had not intended to go that far (intended to stop at the end of a major arc but i succumbed). i even finished random walk manga (i thought it was not my type of manga -.-). now i'm even desiring to go on further with nodame even though its 12.09am and i have a quiz at 9am tomorrow. not to mention that i plan to attend office hours at 8.15am, which means i prolly need to wake up at 7.35am.
even though i know that enjoyment of nodame wouldn't be as nice as if i spread it out a little more.
and yes, i have not prepared for the quiz. why am i saying yes? i should say no.
"Hey, if superego is not around what's up with all this blaming and accusing?"
Superego is travelling back through space. Ego has finally decided to call for superego.
Superego and Ego Maria, please calm Id down and
I will be a good girl and study. The reason why everyone says i'll do fine and i'll do great is because they believe that i work hard as i've been doing up until now.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuhh. I really have been going berserk/out of control in these past few weeks. I finished Gakuen Alice's 17 volumes (Fri-today), Random Walk 3 volumes (yesterday), a few eps of School Rumble 2(fri) and 10 eps of Nodame (today). Last weekend I managed to finish Shinshi Doumei Cross manga in 1 saturday night (slept at X.XXam) and i had a midterm on Sunday. Luckily i did well (it is very weird).
I am really stupid. I should be able to manage my impulsive behavior better. That is my weakness I need to deal with. It could be my strong point (intense bursts in short time), but not that practical in the long run.
I realized recently why i'm so poor at delaying gratification. That's because i reward myself for poor behavior (for example, letting myself going berserk on anime and manga marathons before doing homework or doing dishes or even showering), whereas I 'reward' myself with more homework when I get into the mood of studying (because i always feel that once i'm on a roll i should do as much as I can. Thanks to this 'positive' reinforcement, I've become such a lazy and impulsive and immature girl.
How long will things go well like this? How long will God (?), if it is him doing all this, spoiling me?
When will I grow up?
I know that it's probably just this summer. I won't behave so haphazardly once the school year starts. One thing i am worried about is living in a single room -- i've grown to depend on social facilitation, ie having others around to 'watch' me so I'll behave better and focus more on studying. Judging from my behavior when my roommate (the NU one) is away from the room and my behavior in my single room now.......it seems that i really lack backbone and concentration when I'm "safe" in my room. Even when I open the door.
Distractions distractions. I guess my heart is just not in Physics. But I will make it so. For the time being. I will win you over again, my first wife (for the summer season) Physics. I'm sorry I neglected you unfairly. Please treat me better and make me love you.
***
Disclaimer: I am not insane. I am only rather "creative" and "imaginative" =_,= just kidding. This is the regular stuff that goes on in my cotton-stuffed-brain.
Don't panic after reading all that. I just like to let out my frustrations, and then I can move on without lingering regrets tying me down. Trust me. I know I will do my best. I want to.
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